Arthur Conan's Soil - Olive.

As Ian Macmillan said:
"Gerry Rafferty had already said it"
In Baker St.
Arthur Doyle no doubt had thoughts..
Ian went on to say: "..it just gets into your soul and stays there - forever"
Today's revelation has been that I hate harpsichords.
It's about time Radio 3 woke up to them and stopped it all to gether.

The garden is a triumph.
Glad I stopped drinking
But the writer of Baker St didn't
Would I trade an unknown songwriter for a song?
Gerry sounded like a nice bloke.
Don't think he ever did anything in an olive grove
nee-aw nee aw nyaw nyyaaawwww..
nyaaaww nyaw nyaw na na neeyyaww.....

clean the house, mess up the shelves....
There is a German word for ear-worm,
love in times of no money
and money in times of no love. etc.

Swim now. With my ticker ticking.
No more song-writing til I'm 64.
Stafford was grey.

Thankyou Gerry (pronounced Ger - EH)

Top Drawer, at the back....

Bad Junta
/
Badgehunter

Rocket-Shush

The Top.

The Homeless Apostraphe

I'm not a nine. I'm a grammatical contraction
or a possessive clause character and W, W W...,
THOSE people have left me out in the cold.
Now, they are for sharpening blades only.
No more shall books be read, and I, for that matter,
hereby obliterate myself from the language.
Damn you all. Belonging is over. I am done.
Ends'.

stand up starter

Hello
I was thinking about, like, what sort of stuff I could talk about
tonight and erm, y know, sometimes its best to suss an audience out –
but I’ve got to be honest – what I really want to sort of… er ah – NOW –
what I know I could say now – I mean, like, the WORD I might use at this
point is – (grimace) ‘UNPACK’. But I know if I use the word ‘unpack’ – y
know – seriously – that it wouldn’t then be possible for me to claim to
be doing comedy – of any description – I’d have to be doing ‘politics’
or ‘counselling’ – and straight… and what I do is COMEDY (pause for comic
effect). … I have to tell you – insome kind of spirit of truth to
materials or something – that I do work – quite strictly – to a script –
and I know that I have these little directions I write in and I remember
the first time I ever sat down to write ‘comedy’ I wrote the words, in
brackets “Pause For Comic Effect’.. (pause for comic effect..) and er,
well… yeah, you know what I’m saying….. but er ad lib blah

That’s not what I’m saying. What I was what I want WHAT I AM SAYING –
because I also want you to know that I am nothing if not a comedian with
a serious message…. Or a serious man with a comic message – and I wrote
‘pause for comic effect’ there as well – do you want to know how many
times I wrote ‘pause for comic effect’ in the first draft of this
script…. (pause…) . no. What I want to talk about in big Red – or
actually, probably pink letters – is HOMOSEXUALITY.

(pause)

ok - nothing controversial there - hardly Lenny Bruce is it...?

I got into trouble with the kids – as I often do  – the other day – for
what they informed me was a particularly glaring piece of non-pc  speak
when I made a comment about a friend of my sons – and he was being –
shall we say – a little over emotional or maybe histrionic – and I said
– in a sort ‘down with the kids way’ – something like er I dunno, “he’s
really Gay”. .. meaning it – o I don’t know – just meaning whatever they
mean when they say ; ‘tahts gay or youre gay or uuuggghhh so gay..” and
my daughter,  who’s 15 goes: “some of my best friends are gay – ALAN’S
GAY!!”. 

Now. I don’t know Alan. I’d never heard of Alan. It doesn’t really
matter.. what I want to talk to you about is either: a. How I squirmed
and wriggled my way out of the ‘gaygate’ enquiry – or b. How my
enlightened reflection on this seemingly minor contre temps led me to a
deeper understanding of my true feelings towards members of the er, male
community who, er, like bottoms and other bits of members of the rest of
the – aw fuck – male community… anyway – this was how I explained that,
in fact a gay hating middle aged lager drinking fart……
Ok so – this is me –

…no no no – all I am saying is I don’t like blokes being cissy – yeah – I don’t mind people being GAY at all – but I was using the GAY word the way I thought you lot were using it – meaning a bit crap – or cissy – but nothing against the bottom fanciers… I mean if a man is a manly man – or just, like a proper man – y know not a fusser,, not effeminate and all that – y know – then for me, he can fancy as many bottoms – I mean mens bottoms like – as he wants. I can respect him as A MAN – yeah?

NO.
So they were thinking things like you’re probably thinking now – like –
if this guy doesn’t get funny soon (pause for comic effect) he ‘s just
going to be homophobic and boring and shite. (pause)

Geographica Hollywood Bowl

mallarme pants stuck on by richard
and vested their interest by Joan
who capitalised incestuously on lester
and his Vespa won the Isle Of Wight
5 times running. Congratulations
Leicester. I'll have a sari.
And mine. Is a Lemonade? Stoop.
Paint me a nibble you old chop.
And look none of it in dribbles.
Book em Catheter or face 5000
Bandits. I have been warning you.

Purgatory Explained

over reacting members of the public

Do-gooders and jobsworths amongst the unemployed.

A thesis.

The ears fell off

no ceremony and no blood
just a dead body ranting
and so the ears fell off
no surprises there.

To Be Shouted

If you think that that didn't make any sense, then wait til you've got an earful of this. Or Dont Wait,

Stop being sub-servient and take no notice. Just walk away. Say nothing. Break

---------------------------------------

"George Foreman Is A Belgian"

on how to pursuade the people against:
"come and get your ultrasound fridge-magnet foetuses"
"Only a dollar a dab"

You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to work out that he's a c%*t.
Not George Foreman. The Photographer and the Web designer and the 'CEO'..
only 57 between them.,

"Come and see the things doing the bothering"
Bananas sceptic tanks, ammaretto....
Come see the floaters, the museum, the big story.

..

Just come.

patternicity

by jim johnstone