still shots of 5 secs interspersed with moving people on street..... (this will repeat as a motif wherever there is no shot direction...!) freeze frame on landscape with people...
INT. 'STARBUCKS'
(black screen with 'GOD AND THE DEVIL MEET IN STARBUCKS MAY 21st IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORDS TWO THOUSAND AND TEN' - graphic)
sounds of coffee making and peoples chatter....
GOD
We have some important things to talk about, you and I.
DEVIL
Can I have a Latte?
GOD
You and I are not as important as we once were. I think we need to find out why.
DEVIL
Americano?
GOD
Look, I just need you to be omnipresent with me for a while - ok?
DEVIL
OK.
(sound of a cup being set down)
WAITER
Your Latte sir
DEVIL
Do you have to do everything as a reward for good behaviour? You're not my father y know...
GOD
Just blow the froth off that and come for a look round with me...
1. EXT. CEMETERY 'CLOSING TIME 4.30' SIGN - MORNING
GOD
Ok, here's a nice place to start... now, you have always thought death frightens people the most
DEVIL
No I haven't
GOD
Havent you?
DEVIL
No
GOD
Oh
DEVIL
You want to know what frightens people?
GOD
ok
DEVIL
2. EXT. FRESH DUG GRAVE IN CEMETERY - MORNING
take this guy -
I've booked him in for a second tour - are you aware of the case?
GOD
No
DEVIL
Ok, read this
3. Newsagents facade with papers
GOD
(reading aloud) A man who strangled his wife during a nightmare has walked free from court after the prosecution withdrew all charges against him. Both defence and prosecution had accepted at the start of the trial that Mr Jones was not in control of his actions at the time of the killing. The jury blah blah yhh brr mmm.... The defence claimed that Mr Jones was suffering the “non-insane” form of automatism and is asking for an acquittal, which would not require him to be detained.Yesterday they were directed to return a not-guilty verdict, allowing Mr Jones to leave court an innocent man.....
what's automatism?
DEVIL
It means the court found him not guilty because he was asleep and had no intention of killing his wife. It means 'to act without thought or fear of consequence'
GOD
Ah. So you're ahead of me again.
DEVIL
Yup
GOD
That's what they're all guilty of these days.
DEVIL
..and found innocent... I love it.
GOD
And I'm getting tired of the sound of my own voice...
DEVIL
Trouble is... they are innocent.
GOD
and guilty.
But the difference - I can't tell people apart anymore.
DEVIL
Exactly. Look, we need to take a look at things from a birds-eye point of view.
GOD
I was thinking more something like a 'fly on the wall documentary'
DEVIL
Very contemporary.. ok, yes, a fly on the wall.
GOD
I'm not sending one of the kids again
DEVIL
No, fine. Why don't we adopt this time? Send in an honest witness who's not long gone. Something's got to give and we need some first hand, up close evidence... like a witness
GOD
That's hardly a new idea: Hebrews 12:1: "So, then, because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also put off every weight and the sin that easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." (I think George Bush used that line - refreshing fellow that - no doubts about him - a rare clear cut case) Look, I believe there are about six million Jehova's Witnesses already doing that job for us.
DEVIL
eee - yes, well, you know how I feel about them... no, I was thinking of someone a bit more un-biased. An un-decided; someone impartial... this Jones guy is GREAT. And he's desperate to make up for his screw-up.
GOD
A second coming?
DEVIL
Aye
GOD
Of an adopted son?
DEVIL
Much more authentic
GOD
OK. Do it.
DEVIL
Excellent
GOD AND DEVIL AT THE SAME TIME:
There's one condition though
GOD
DONT DO THAT
(devil whines a little like a dog) - shot of dog spelt backwards?
(god continues uninterrupted) I will send one and you can send one
DEVIL
Whooppee
GOD
You can have your sleepwalker - not that we've actually decided he's yours - and I will send another one. The condition is this: Watching Brief only. I don't want anyone announcing themselves as the second coming - there's too many playing that trick already.
DEVIL (childlike)
Well, obviously - der.....
GOD
So, when did your guy cross over?
DEVIL
....... just then.
GOD
Suicide. i hate that.
DEVIL
Freewill....
GOD
mmmmmmmmm
DEVIL
(pause) so - who's your chosen one?
FEMALE VOICE
I remember 1Tomatoes on a wooden window-sill. I remember the 2 gardens and the hedges of the neighbours for miles around the houses where I grew up. I remember the 3 water-butt that was always brimful and the 4 scrapings left out for the sparrows and tits and finches and my grandad chasing away the starlings. He hated starlings. Starlings and 5 Italians. I think, to him, they were one and the same thing.
6 (windmills) I remember always telling the time in a circle with a 'past' and a 'to'... or as some of the older folks would say an 'after' and a before'..... I like remembering the look of things for what you can tell now that you never knew then: People's incomes and fortunes, tastes and, well, just - what they were like..... I like the way that watching helps you see the changes. 7 What I remember is how slowly things changed. I remember a worn yellow and brown axminster carpet that was always there. Once and once only, it was replaced by a different coloured axminster carpet downstairs and the patchwork of my grandparents upstairs floors was replaced by that old yellow and brown. I don't know when this happened but I remember a trip to Darley Dale on boxing day to choose the new carpet and knowing that this was a serious and enjoyable occasion and that the expense was very large indeed - a once in a lifetime experience, talked about for years in advance. The Boxing Day sales. More exciting, that year, than Christmas...8 (garden centre)
With the savings we made, we bought a 'Kilmarnock' willow tree which sat and barely grew but lived in the dead centre of the front garden for as long as my grandparents lived in the house. I know now that 'Kilmarnock' means nothing but just sounds nice. They breed in disease, which makes the foliage 'variegated' - or 'pretty' as we, I mean, mum, would have said. It also kills the growth and limits the longevity of the plant. This is what I now know to be called 'planned obsolescence'. It's just one way that some people who are - kind of - cleverer than other people have discovered so as to 'maximise profits'. That tree never took up any more space in our garden than it did when first we planted it and, of course, over time, we couldn't help but re-visit the garden centre after that first trip to find new plants. After a few years and a lot of pursuasion, my grandfather built a rockery around the Kilmarnock Willow - to fill the space - which no doubt stunted it even more - so mum could go to Darley Dale to look at plants every Sunday in the Vanden Plas...9 (garage forecourt - BMW?)
Our first car. Bought new for £350. Lasted 25 years. It was my job to polish the walnut dash. An Austin Vanden Plas Princess II - to give it it's proper title. Built in 1950 by the 'ang 'em 'n 'dutch'... Like 'all days and onions', this was one of the many mysterious phrases Grandad would drop in to his daily conversations.10 (starlings) I never felt the need to ask what he meant, as I had never doubted his meaning since I had learned, from a toddlers age and viewpoint, to match the phrase to the look in his eyes when he spoke. In that way, you always knew his meaning...
In my opinion, you can learn to love a thing even more from cleaning it than you can by making it from new. Not that I know - not that I knew - much about engineering then. But I loved that car. I loved most things in me life. You never know how much until they are gone. Maybe that is why we resisted change so much.... Maybe resisting change is not such a bad thing as it's cracked up to be - nowadays.........11 (back to graveyard?)
DEVIL
Ahhhh, she's NICE
GOD
mmmmm... maybe.
DEVIL
She coming to you or me?
GOD
She's another problem - can't decide what to do with her.
DEVIL
Come on - she's right up your street...
GOD
'Change'
DEVIL
Oh, not THE DICTIONARY thing
(groaning a bit maniacally)
GOD
'..to make or become different, to move from one system or situation to another.' That's what we're here for Sam - I just want you to understand what possible changes we are contemplating.
DEVIL
Well, all change is good isn't it?
12. windmills
GOD
You always say that
DEVIL
Well, un-avoidable, at least.
GOD
It's the pace of change she's talking about though, that's what matters
DEVIL
Ah timing, a tick a tick a tick a tick a...-
GOD
Exactly
DEVIL
So who is she?
GOD
(13. sunflower, tomatoes .. an allotment...)
Mrs Jones
DEVIL
What -
GOD
yep
DEVIL
No - hoo hoo... do they -?
GOD
Know? - No
DEVIL
(roaring laughing) This'll make for some great scripture... god the father, god the son and... hoo ... god the homicidal sonambulent sex starved married couple.... much more realistic. I am impressed.
GOD
shut up.
(14. return to slo mo people and a shopfront of our choosing))
I like being dead. All you do is remember. You don't want. I think I'd stopped wanting for myself while I was alive. but you find yourself wanting for other people then - and that can be frustrating as well...
December 29, 2009
December 28, 2009
updated
INT. STARBUCKS
(black screen with 'GOD AND THE DEVIL MEET IN STARBUCKS MAY 21st IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORDS TWO THOUSAND AND TEN' - graphic)
sounds of coffee making and peoples chatter....
GOD
We have some important things to talk about, you and I.
DEVIL
Can I have a Latte?
GOD
You and I are not as important as we once were. I think we need to find out why.
DEVIL
Americano?
GOD
Look, I just need you to be omnipresent with me for a while - ok?
DEVIL
OK.
(sound of a cup being set down)
WAITER
Your Latte sir
DEVIL
Do you have to do everything as a reward for good behaviour? You're not my father y know...
GOD
Just blow the froth off that and come for a look round with me...
EXT. CEMETERY 'CLOSING TIME 4.30' SIGN - MORNING
GOD
Ok, here's a nice place to start... now, you have always worked on the assumption that death frightens people the most
DEVIL
No I haven't
GOD
Havent you?
DEVIL
No
GOD
Oh
DEVIL
You want to know what frightens people?
GOD
Might prove useful
DEVIL
dreams frighten people - have you seen that film 'paranormal activity'?
GOD
No
DEVIL
..scared the shit out of me
GOD
Your point is....?
DEVIL
oh, yeah, Ok.
EXT. FRESH DUG GRAVE IN CEMETERY - MORNING
Dreams, right - take this guy -
I've booked him in for a second tour - are you aware of the case?
GOD
No
DEVIL
Ok, read this
GOD
(reading aloud) A man who strangled his wife during a nightmare has walked free from court after the prosecution withdrew all charges against him. Both defence and prosecution had accepted at the start of the trial that Mr Jones was not in control of his actions at the time of the killing. The jury blah blah yhh brr mmm.... The defence claimed that Mr Jones was suffering the “non-insane” form of automatism and is asking for an acquittal, which would not require him to be detained.Yesterday they were directed to return a not-guilty verdict, allowing Mr Jones to leave court an innocent man.....
what's automatism?
DEVIL
It means the court found him not guilty because he was asleep and had no intention of killing his wife. It means 'to act without thought or fear of consequence'
GOD
Ah. So you're ahead of me again.
DEVIL
Yup
GOD
That's what they're all guilty of these days.
DEVIL
..and found innocent... I love it.
GOD
And I'm getting tired of the sound of my own voice...
DEVIL
Trouble is... they are innocent.
GOD
and guilty.
But the difference - I can't tell people apart anymore.
DEVIL
Exactly. Look, we need to take a look at things from a birds-eye point of view.
GOD
I was thinking more something like a 'fly on the wall documentary'
DEVIL
Very contemporary.. ok, yes, a fly on the wall.
GOD
I'm not sending one of the kids again
DEVIL
No, fine. Why don't we adopt this time? Send in an honest witness who's not long gone. Something's got to give and we need some first hand, up close evidence... a witness if you like...
GOD
That's hardly a new idea: Hebrews 12:1: "So, then, because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also put off every weight and the sin that easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." (I think George Bush used that line - refreshing fellow that - no doubts about him - a rare clear cut case) Look, I believe there are about six million Jehova's Witnesses already doing that job.
DEVIL
eee - yes, well, you know how I feel about them... no, I was thinking of someone a bit more un-biased. An un-decided; someone impartial... this Jones guy is GREAT. And he's desperate to make up for his screw-up.
GOD
A second coming?
DEVIL
Aye
GOD
Of an adopted son?
DEVIL
Much more authentic
GOD
OK. Do it.
DEVIL
Excellent
GOD AND DEVIL AT THE SAME TIME:
There's one condition though
GOD
DONT DO THAT
(devil whines a little like a dog) - shot of dog spelt backwards?
(god continues uninterrupted) I will send one and you can send one
DEVIL
Whooppee
GOD
You can have your sleepwalker - not that we've actually decided he's yours - and I will send another one. The condition is this: Watching Brief only. I don't want anyone announcing themselves as the second coming - there's too many playing that trick already.
DEVIL (childlike)
Well, obviously - der.....
GOD
So, when did your guy cross over?
DEVIL
....... just then.
GOD
Suicide. i hate that.
DEVIL
Freewill....
GOD
mmmmmmmmm
DEVIL
(pause) so - who's your chosen one?
FEMALE VOICE
I remember Tomatoes on a wooden window-sill. I remember the gardens and the hedges of the neighbours for miles around the houses where I grew up. I remember the water-butt that was always brimful and the scrapings left out for the sparrows and tits and finches and my grandad chasing away the starlings. He hated starlings. Starlings and Italians. I think, to him, they were one and the same thing.
I remember always telling the time in a circle with a 'past' and a 'to'... or as some of the older folks would say an 'after' and a before'..... I like remembering the look of things for what you can tell now that you never knew then: People's incomes and fortunes, tastes and, well, just - what they were like..... I like the way that watching helps you see the changes. What I remember is how slowly things changed. I remember a worn yellow and brown axminster carpet that was always there. Once and once only, it was replaced by a different coloured axminster carpet downstairs and the patchwork of my grandparents upstairs floors was replaced by that old yellow and brown. I don't know when this happened but I remember a trip to Darley Dale on boxing day to choose the new carpet and knowing that this was a serious and enjoyable occasion and that the expense was very large indeed - a once in a lifetime experience, talked about for years in advance. The Boxing Day sales. More exciting, that year, than Christmas...
With the savings we made, we bought a 'Kilmarnock' willow tree which sat and barely grew but lived in the dead centre of the front garden for as long as my grandparents lived in the house. I know now that 'Kilmarnock' means nothing but just sounds nice. They breed in disease, which makes the foliage 'variegated' - or 'pretty' as we, I mean, Grandma, would have said. It also kills the growth and limits the longevity of the plant. This is what I now know to be called 'planned obsolescence'. It's just one way that some people who are - kind of - cleverer than other people have discovered so as to 'maximise profits'. That tree never took up any more space in our garden than it did when first we planted it and, of course, over time, we couldn't help but re-visit the garden centre after that first trip to find new plants. After a few years and a lot of pursuasion, my grandfather built a rockery around the Kilmarnock Willow - to fill the space - which no doubt stunted it even more - so Grandma could go to Darley Dale to look at plants every Sunday in the Vanden Plas...
Our first car. Bought new for £350. Lasted 25 years. It was my job to polish the walnut dash. An Austin Vanden Plas Princess II - to give it it's proper title. Built in 1950 by the 'ang 'em 'n 'dutch'... Like 'all days and onions', this was one of the many mysterious phrases Grandad would drop in to his daily conversations. I never felt the need to ask what he meant, as I had never doubted his meaning since I had learned, from a toddlers age and viewpoint, to match the phrase to the look in his eyes when he spoke. In that way, you always knew his meaning...
In my opinion, you can learn to love a thing even more from cleaning it than you can by making it from new. Not that I know - not that I knew - much about engineering then. But I loved that car. I loved most things in me life. You never know how much until they are gone. Maybe that is why we resisted change so much.... Maybe resisting change is not such a bad thing as it's cracked up to be - nowadays.........
DEVIL
Ahhhh, she's NICE
GOD
mmmmm... maybe.
DEVIL
She coming to you or me?
GOD
She's another problem - can't decide what to do with her.
DEVIL
Come on - she's right up your street...
GOD
'Change'
DEVIL
Oh, not THE DICTIONARY thing
(groaning a bit maniacally)
GOD
'..to make or become different, to move from one system or situation to another.' That's what we're here for Sam - I just want you to understand what possible changes we are contemplating.
DEVIL
Well, all change is good isn't it?
GOD
You always say that
DEVIL
Well, un-avoidable, at least.
GOD
It's the pace of change she's talking about though, that's what matters
DEVIL
Ah timing, a tick a tick a tick a tick a...-
GOD
Exactly
DEVIL
So who is she?
GOD
Mrs Jones
DEVIL
What -
GOD
yep
DEVIL
No - hoo hoo... do they -?
GOD
Know? - No
DEVIL
(roaring laughing) This'll make for some great scripture... god the father, god the son and... hoo ... god the homicidal sonambulent sex starved married couple.... much more realistic. I am impressed.
GOD
shut up.
pause in monologue for visual images TO BE CONFIRMED AND SUPPLIED BY MY VISUAL CREATIVE RESPONDENT (VCR)<<<<
I like being dead. All you do is remember. You don't want. I think I'd stopped wanting for myself while I was alive. but you find yourself wanting for other people then - and that can be frustrating as well...
ARTISTE
i can't believe a better way of dealing with time and money has never come around. Time, as I now know, is easily dealt with. There just isn't really any such thing. There was always an idea of eterninty. I mean it,s a word, isn,t it? But really, nobody ever lives in it, until they die. Which is a shame. Because not living in time is my favourite thing about being dead. But look, sorry, Im not here to tell you, the living, about death. Im supposed to be gathering information. Which is what I,ll be doing. Whilst you,re watching the film. Oh, I'm sorry, I don,t know if I,m explaining this very well. The bosses have done something which we couldn,t believe, at first. They,ve set up a new religion. Obviously, they fell out over some basic concepts and design ideas, so there,s a hell version and a heaven version... But they both needed it for the same reason. Soul Disappearance. It,s as big for us as Global Warming is for you. The really important thing and why i,m doing this... Watching you watching you that is... That... They are mystified. They are all seeing omnipresent gods of all things and they are completely lost as to where souls are going. It,s the first thing theyve agreed on in years. I think they might be starting to feel their own mortality. Anyway, here I am, back in my home town, on a commission of the highest order, taking notes on you all looking at yourselves, to see where in Gods names, the souls have gone? Think of it as a kind of giant focus group. But whatever you do, think freely, anything else might skew the results. Just sit back, watch, listen and reflect. what we are about here is the search for salvation. There will be an ice cream lady in the interlude. I insisted.
'NARRATOR'
Once you get there, being dead is no more special than being alive and the one lesson life should have taught you is that any future state dreamed of is neither as fearful or desirable as it first appeared. I couldnt have conceived of this in life and neither will you on hearing this - but - i was asked to do it and here it is. I wrote the whole thing down and kept reading it back until i thought it sounded right. In 1998, the difference between Heaven and Hell had already narrowed to nearly nothing. maybe it just came down to one or two seemingly minor choices made at seemingly insignificant moments. Of course, you might never get to understand which ones they were, let alone have an opportunity to re-do them if that's what you'd want to do, but it was nice to be asked. So, here goes....
My suspicion is that I knew (after you're dead, you realise when you knew things in life even though, in life, you didn't realise and so, technically, didn't know them) I was crossing over on the day the chicken died. Life is all about losses and gains and sacrifice. God, it turned out, was indeed a mathematician and the trick was to figure out when patterns changed. Taking on mortgages, investments, new businesses, and other financial or political commitments (all those years spent in the 'Friends of St George's Park' and the kids school governors meetings...) are nothing when compared to keeping chickens, kittens, dogs and so on. Taking on responsibility for lives directly nudges you into the harsh light of divine judgement. it puts you in division one when it comes to final reckoning statistics. Same thing goes for wives and girlfriends. God help Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart.
When I say 'crossing over', it sounds a bit odd. Its not a phrase i ever used in life. But it's the right one. It's right because dying is a process. it doesn't just happen. Even to the so called sudden death trajedy ones. They know they knew now. There aren't any accidents. The only big change is places and moments. You dont - live - in places and moments anymore. Instead, you become witness to the effects of everything you did. The change in Heaven and Hell is just as speedy as change on Earth right now. the bosses can't keep up. No--one seems to fussed which one they inhabit. No one arrives in trepidation - well, rarely. There's even talk of day passes so we can move freely between. It's not such a far cry from the European Union. I'll give you some idea of how it works - the mystery wont be lost entirely. Imagine yourself disembodied but present. imagine that you can either bear witness to the happiness you caused or the pain. You might suspect that your life has been the cause of both and maybe in similar measure but the important thing is to imagine only being able to see - to study - one or the other. That's Heaven and Hell. And the beauty of it is, it's never decided until you begin crossing over. For those few see-ers who know when their time is 'up', they can begin to guess. But mostly, you just start again. And it's not as stark as it sounds. It's how we keep a balance. Remember, even though you might only ever witness the damage you caused, you can still rest assured that you might have caused an equal amount of joy. You just don't get to see it - in Hell. I'm not sure this will translate so well. But look at the footage, start to imagine yourself in these places and moments. think what you could do. Imagine...
... and I'll tell you about the chicken.
The dog in question belongs to a young single mum, pregnant again, without time or inclination to fix the hole in her fence. She has time to come though. The dog is half husky and so one quarter wolf. The chicken dies of it,s own simplicity and shock. I was responsible. Suddenly, nailing some wire in place, I realise I will have less time to make reparations than to create more problems. I am responsible for the death of a chicken. That was the moment I was judged.
I had always been a sleepwalker. My mother had bells attached to all the doors and chimes on hinges which she put down at night so she'd know if I was up and about. It was first discovered when they found me at the age of five, sitting in the compost heap at the end of the garden, doing something that seemed close to making a cup of tea.... I had long periods when it went away, but it would always come back inexplicably. I had a few girlfriends in my twenties but none of them liked it at all. I guess that a man who was active and un-conscious during the night was always going to be a liability... as if men weren't difficult enough to trust anyway...
I had known Mary since we were in the sixth form together, where I had no idea she'd had a secret crush on me. We used to go Ice Skating with a group of friends on Saturdays and a few of us went out walking in the Peaks on Sundays. Eventually, this dwindled but Mary and me carried on - most weekends. She would take her camera with her and I was once a keen amateur Geologist, so i'd take a few tools and a bag and go rock - hunting. She told me later that she'd got bored taking pictures early on. Truth to tell was, I wasn't that keen on collecting rocks either.
Quite romantic looking back. We got married on Mary's 30th Birthday - we went to Las Vegas. The chapel of little flowers. I was Elvis. Two kids later and ten years on, we were really happy and content.
i can't believe a better way of dealing with time and money has never come around. Time, as I now know, is easily dealt with. There just isn't really any such thing. There was always an idea of eterninty. I mean it,s a word, isn,t it? But really, nobody ever lives in it, until they die. Which is a shame. Because not living in time is my favourite thing about being dead. But look, sorry, Im not here to tell you, the living, about death. Im supposed to be gathering information. Which is what I,ll be doing. Whilst you,re watching the film. Oh, I'm sorry, I don,t know if I,m explaining this very well. The bosses have done something which we couldn,t believe, at first. They,ve set up a new religion. Obviously, they fell out over some basic concepts and design ideas, so there,s a hell version and a heaven version... But they both needed it for the same reason. Soul Disappearance. It,s as big for us as Global Warming is for you. The really important thing and why i,m doing this... Watching you watching you that is... That... They are mystified. They are all seeing omnipresent gods of all things and they are completely lost as to where souls are going. It,s the first thing theyve agreed on in years. I think they might be starting to feel their own mortality. Anyway, here I am, back in my home town, on a commission of the highest order, taking notes on you all looking at yourselves, to see where in Gods names, the souls have gone? Think of it as a kind of giant focus group. But whatever you do, think freely, anything else might skew the results. Just sit back, watch, listen and reflect. what we are about here is the search for salvation. There will be an ice cream lady in the interlude. I insisted.
look at them getting away with things all the time. when it comes to sin and salvation, they,re like snails. But they dont know it. One drops blessings and heals all as she goes while another just overspills trouble and ramifications. A little bit of inside overtaking, a bit of anxious tailgating.. No big harm done... They,ve no idea. The roads are good way to look at this heaven and hell thing. It,s on the roads that we [the westerners] have the most chance to share, to consider, to follow the same rules.... The highway code is as valid a set of rules as the bible and those are the words of god not mine. Mark my words... I used to drive a volvo.
I used to write poems:
This one seems quite relevant - remember - it's your honest responses we're after - Focus Group.
late night shopping
Alexandra Burke and Lady ga ga,
Stray Husky Eats Chicken
The girls are late home on the bus and
inch by inch despite hope or intention
they get what they need
maybe God's intervention
was just to home-bake a Pizza
and pay a small compliment
That might've been all
that was needed.
I find myself digging holes
for fenceposts again.....
knee deep in chicken shit
and mudlove; last of all
we made a soup to turn
Teachers into Half-Frogs. (LONG PAUSE>>>>>>>>>>)
Look at this woman here... bin rummaging. She's doing 'Textiles' actually. How many of you would have guessed? And she's seen me filming her - look - doesn't like it.
All those boxes we've invented, by the way, they really are bullshit. When you are cooking your bacon in the morning, you might be doing textiles; when you mow your lawn (oh god, lawns) that's physics and chemistry and english literature and art history all rolled into one. It depends greatly on how we do things. The idea that 'life begins at 40' is a good one. Largely, we live when we are young and usually start again before we 'die'. The thing to try and get hold of is that very few people manage to live their whole lives. I think my sleepwalking was most intrusive - by that I mean - I think I 'did' more in my sleep when I was mostly dead to the world... (PAUSE)..... So don't think the bosses make judgments on our intentions - I think they do it on a tick box average system of.. well kind of trying versus not trying. That's why humans are forever seeing injustice everywhere and asking that perennial question about 'why doesn't God do something?'. It's just the wrong question - and usually a bit egocentric...
The moment you know you've had it is the moment it's too late to change anything. When you think that moment arrives will very much determine how you live your life. But, if you figure it out right. Life can be great.
As I said, for me it was the chicken and here is the shed where it's carcass is rotting, still, two weeks later. Oh yes, i'm not long gone. The chicken got set on by the husky whilst we were away, making the monthly trip to South Mimms Services when I deliver the grandchildren on behalf of my son - who married the wrong woman entirely. We joined the Caravan Club. There's an institution designed to send you to sleep if ever there was one. Not that I can hold them responsible for the suffocation of my wife. But I was alseep and I will be rightly vindicated. But who'd want to go on living? That I was still judged for my poor chicken shed erecting seems, as I have said, unjust. But having had the whole thing explained, I understand... and I do feel guilty that my son will have do his own driving to collect and deliver his kids but he will be inheriting the campervan now. And it's a bloody good one. See that man painting there - he's got three minutes left. If he doesn't get off his ladder, call his wife, tell her he's leaving her and then call his employer and tell her the same. And yet time no longer exists.
All i'm trying to do is what I was asked:
“What really motivates people these days?”
On the merit of the results I put forward the bosses will consider re-introducing time (on a limited basis and in certain safer 'constituencies') in the form of day passes. This will be a major change in the constitution of Heaven and Hell. It wont be made lightly and nor was the decision that I am the leading expert in the field of making such decisions. … Ours is not to reason why.....
here's another - er, poem that is. I hate that word P-O-E-M. Hate it.
on how ridiculous the news is
a murder
random
yaw divn want to understand em
glad for the allotment
the clubcard
the evening standard
your car,
your wifey
the way yr branded
good to drift
split shift copper
proper bar the tick
of your memory stick
be there at the start?
Impossible.
Im moving away to make it easier for you
thats ok, this is quite a good arrangement.
You cant hear this brif exchange of words, but it happens here, look. That guy has parked in an highly unconventional reverse mode in Tesco,s garage. The other guy, has managed to utilise the same pump, whilst the previous fella shops for his groceries. In fifteen years time, Tesco,s, a nationalised and licenced corporation for the retailing of goods on public highways, will discover a contraflow system which will increase their UK turnover nationally, by 4.7 million euros a day. That short exchange was the seed of this considerable change. In another possible universe .. And there are so many... The exchange could have meant something far more limited in it,s potential for outward change but far more advancing of the progress of each of our brief protagonists in their journeys through purgatory.....
these kind of moments are 'speech ghosts'. You may have had the experience, in life of saying something inadvertently and seemingly mundane in response to one set of circumstances only to find with a weighty surprise, that you have just made some inner revelation, with life changing scope. It is almost as if some, perhaps benevolent, but perhaps cruel spectre has voiced your thoughts for you. If you listen there might be some direction to be found. Of course, this is the only way we can do it. We aren't allowed to conspire to bring, in this case, two cars together, but we can influence your choice of words, making you say the thing [in this case] that you had been keeping stowed and silent inside your head: "I am moving away to make things easier for you".... It was a statement of truth which was profoundly accurate at every level of this mans existence. His next action will be to take the day off work. Unlike my impoverished efforts at chicken coup building, this guy heeds the apparently abstract warning and his life will change from here. Choices will remain open to him. But in this moment, things could have gone a different way. It was one of those moments....
And then, there was the other mans response: "Thats ok, this is quite a good arrangement"... Well, he was jut talking about the rear to rear bumper parking and that, as I explained also found it,s ultimate
realisation. A seminal moment, they call it...
Thanks for your attention in these matters. Your responses will be forwarded verbatim and without quantitative embellishment. As I said the bosses are consummate mathematicians... If you would like to add anything else, there,s a comments book by the exit. End.
Selfishness is not a sin. It is sometimes to be pitied though. This is because the quality and facet of having the ability to appreciate and take pleasure in the well doing of others is a gift. All be it a gift which comes from an unknown source [in life]. It is actually an angelic thing to be unselfish and rarer than most of the living appreciate. So, selfishness, by it,s varying increments, is a variable and all too willingly tolerated curse. Why should other peoples' happiness bring joy to ourselves? Once again, I beckon you towards the comments book as a power walking vicar passes by, personal stereo blazing with something seemingly unholy. I hope he is not oblivious to the sheer beauty of this place. [end still]
(black screen with 'GOD AND THE DEVIL MEET IN STARBUCKS MAY 21st IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORDS TWO THOUSAND AND TEN' - graphic)
sounds of coffee making and peoples chatter....
GOD
We have some important things to talk about, you and I.
DEVIL
Can I have a Latte?
GOD
You and I are not as important as we once were. I think we need to find out why.
DEVIL
Americano?
GOD
Look, I just need you to be omnipresent with me for a while - ok?
DEVIL
OK.
(sound of a cup being set down)
WAITER
Your Latte sir
DEVIL
Do you have to do everything as a reward for good behaviour? You're not my father y know...
GOD
Just blow the froth off that and come for a look round with me...
EXT. CEMETERY 'CLOSING TIME 4.30' SIGN - MORNING
GOD
Ok, here's a nice place to start... now, you have always worked on the assumption that death frightens people the most
DEVIL
No I haven't
GOD
Havent you?
DEVIL
No
GOD
Oh
DEVIL
You want to know what frightens people?
GOD
Might prove useful
DEVIL
dreams frighten people - have you seen that film 'paranormal activity'?
GOD
No
DEVIL
..scared the shit out of me
GOD
Your point is....?
DEVIL
oh, yeah, Ok.
EXT. FRESH DUG GRAVE IN CEMETERY - MORNING
Dreams, right - take this guy -
I've booked him in for a second tour - are you aware of the case?
GOD
No
DEVIL
Ok, read this
GOD
(reading aloud) A man who strangled his wife during a nightmare has walked free from court after the prosecution withdrew all charges against him. Both defence and prosecution had accepted at the start of the trial that Mr Jones was not in control of his actions at the time of the killing. The jury blah blah yhh brr mmm.... The defence claimed that Mr Jones was suffering the “non-insane” form of automatism and is asking for an acquittal, which would not require him to be detained.Yesterday they were directed to return a not-guilty verdict, allowing Mr Jones to leave court an innocent man.....
what's automatism?
DEVIL
It means the court found him not guilty because he was asleep and had no intention of killing his wife. It means 'to act without thought or fear of consequence'
GOD
Ah. So you're ahead of me again.
DEVIL
Yup
GOD
That's what they're all guilty of these days.
DEVIL
..and found innocent... I love it.
GOD
And I'm getting tired of the sound of my own voice...
DEVIL
Trouble is... they are innocent.
GOD
and guilty.
But the difference - I can't tell people apart anymore.
DEVIL
Exactly. Look, we need to take a look at things from a birds-eye point of view.
GOD
I was thinking more something like a 'fly on the wall documentary'
DEVIL
Very contemporary.. ok, yes, a fly on the wall.
GOD
I'm not sending one of the kids again
DEVIL
No, fine. Why don't we adopt this time? Send in an honest witness who's not long gone. Something's got to give and we need some first hand, up close evidence... a witness if you like...
GOD
That's hardly a new idea: Hebrews 12:1: "So, then, because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also put off every weight and the sin that easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." (I think George Bush used that line - refreshing fellow that - no doubts about him - a rare clear cut case) Look, I believe there are about six million Jehova's Witnesses already doing that job.
DEVIL
eee - yes, well, you know how I feel about them... no, I was thinking of someone a bit more un-biased. An un-decided; someone impartial... this Jones guy is GREAT. And he's desperate to make up for his screw-up.
GOD
A second coming?
DEVIL
Aye
GOD
Of an adopted son?
DEVIL
Much more authentic
GOD
OK. Do it.
DEVIL
Excellent
GOD AND DEVIL AT THE SAME TIME:
There's one condition though
GOD
DONT DO THAT
(devil whines a little like a dog) - shot of dog spelt backwards?
(god continues uninterrupted) I will send one and you can send one
DEVIL
Whooppee
GOD
You can have your sleepwalker - not that we've actually decided he's yours - and I will send another one. The condition is this: Watching Brief only. I don't want anyone announcing themselves as the second coming - there's too many playing that trick already.
DEVIL (childlike)
Well, obviously - der.....
GOD
So, when did your guy cross over?
DEVIL
....... just then.
GOD
Suicide. i hate that.
DEVIL
Freewill....
GOD
mmmmmmmmm
DEVIL
(pause) so - who's your chosen one?
FEMALE VOICE
I remember Tomatoes on a wooden window-sill. I remember the gardens and the hedges of the neighbours for miles around the houses where I grew up. I remember the water-butt that was always brimful and the scrapings left out for the sparrows and tits and finches and my grandad chasing away the starlings. He hated starlings. Starlings and Italians. I think, to him, they were one and the same thing.
I remember always telling the time in a circle with a 'past' and a 'to'... or as some of the older folks would say an 'after' and a before'..... I like remembering the look of things for what you can tell now that you never knew then: People's incomes and fortunes, tastes and, well, just - what they were like..... I like the way that watching helps you see the changes. What I remember is how slowly things changed. I remember a worn yellow and brown axminster carpet that was always there. Once and once only, it was replaced by a different coloured axminster carpet downstairs and the patchwork of my grandparents upstairs floors was replaced by that old yellow and brown. I don't know when this happened but I remember a trip to Darley Dale on boxing day to choose the new carpet and knowing that this was a serious and enjoyable occasion and that the expense was very large indeed - a once in a lifetime experience, talked about for years in advance. The Boxing Day sales. More exciting, that year, than Christmas...
With the savings we made, we bought a 'Kilmarnock' willow tree which sat and barely grew but lived in the dead centre of the front garden for as long as my grandparents lived in the house. I know now that 'Kilmarnock' means nothing but just sounds nice. They breed in disease, which makes the foliage 'variegated' - or 'pretty' as we, I mean, Grandma, would have said. It also kills the growth and limits the longevity of the plant. This is what I now know to be called 'planned obsolescence'. It's just one way that some people who are - kind of - cleverer than other people have discovered so as to 'maximise profits'. That tree never took up any more space in our garden than it did when first we planted it and, of course, over time, we couldn't help but re-visit the garden centre after that first trip to find new plants. After a few years and a lot of pursuasion, my grandfather built a rockery around the Kilmarnock Willow - to fill the space - which no doubt stunted it even more - so Grandma could go to Darley Dale to look at plants every Sunday in the Vanden Plas...
Our first car. Bought new for £350. Lasted 25 years. It was my job to polish the walnut dash. An Austin Vanden Plas Princess II - to give it it's proper title. Built in 1950 by the 'ang 'em 'n 'dutch'... Like 'all days and onions', this was one of the many mysterious phrases Grandad would drop in to his daily conversations. I never felt the need to ask what he meant, as I had never doubted his meaning since I had learned, from a toddlers age and viewpoint, to match the phrase to the look in his eyes when he spoke. In that way, you always knew his meaning...
In my opinion, you can learn to love a thing even more from cleaning it than you can by making it from new. Not that I know - not that I knew - much about engineering then. But I loved that car. I loved most things in me life. You never know how much until they are gone. Maybe that is why we resisted change so much.... Maybe resisting change is not such a bad thing as it's cracked up to be - nowadays.........
DEVIL
Ahhhh, she's NICE
GOD
mmmmm... maybe.
DEVIL
She coming to you or me?
GOD
She's another problem - can't decide what to do with her.
DEVIL
Come on - she's right up your street...
GOD
'Change'
DEVIL
Oh, not THE DICTIONARY thing
(groaning a bit maniacally)
GOD
'..to make or become different, to move from one system or situation to another.' That's what we're here for Sam - I just want you to understand what possible changes we are contemplating.
DEVIL
Well, all change is good isn't it?
GOD
You always say that
DEVIL
Well, un-avoidable, at least.
GOD
It's the pace of change she's talking about though, that's what matters
DEVIL
Ah timing, a tick a tick a tick a tick a...-
GOD
Exactly
DEVIL
So who is she?
GOD
Mrs Jones
DEVIL
What -
GOD
yep
DEVIL
No - hoo hoo... do they -?
GOD
Know? - No
DEVIL
(roaring laughing) This'll make for some great scripture... god the father, god the son and... hoo ... god the homicidal sonambulent sex starved married couple.... much more realistic. I am impressed.
GOD
shut up.
pause in monologue for visual images TO BE CONFIRMED AND SUPPLIED BY MY VISUAL CREATIVE RESPONDENT (VCR)<<<<
I like being dead. All you do is remember. You don't want. I think I'd stopped wanting for myself while I was alive. but you find yourself wanting for other people then - and that can be frustrating as well...
ARTISTE
i can't believe a better way of dealing with time and money has never come around. Time, as I now know, is easily dealt with. There just isn't really any such thing. There was always an idea of eterninty. I mean it,s a word, isn,t it? But really, nobody ever lives in it, until they die. Which is a shame. Because not living in time is my favourite thing about being dead. But look, sorry, Im not here to tell you, the living, about death. Im supposed to be gathering information. Which is what I,ll be doing. Whilst you,re watching the film. Oh, I'm sorry, I don,t know if I,m explaining this very well. The bosses have done something which we couldn,t believe, at first. They,ve set up a new religion. Obviously, they fell out over some basic concepts and design ideas, so there,s a hell version and a heaven version... But they both needed it for the same reason. Soul Disappearance. It,s as big for us as Global Warming is for you. The really important thing and why i,m doing this... Watching you watching you that is... That... They are mystified. They are all seeing omnipresent gods of all things and they are completely lost as to where souls are going. It,s the first thing theyve agreed on in years. I think they might be starting to feel their own mortality. Anyway, here I am, back in my home town, on a commission of the highest order, taking notes on you all looking at yourselves, to see where in Gods names, the souls have gone? Think of it as a kind of giant focus group. But whatever you do, think freely, anything else might skew the results. Just sit back, watch, listen and reflect. what we are about here is the search for salvation. There will be an ice cream lady in the interlude. I insisted.
'NARRATOR'
Once you get there, being dead is no more special than being alive and the one lesson life should have taught you is that any future state dreamed of is neither as fearful or desirable as it first appeared. I couldnt have conceived of this in life and neither will you on hearing this - but - i was asked to do it and here it is. I wrote the whole thing down and kept reading it back until i thought it sounded right. In 1998, the difference between Heaven and Hell had already narrowed to nearly nothing. maybe it just came down to one or two seemingly minor choices made at seemingly insignificant moments. Of course, you might never get to understand which ones they were, let alone have an opportunity to re-do them if that's what you'd want to do, but it was nice to be asked. So, here goes....
My suspicion is that I knew (after you're dead, you realise when you knew things in life even though, in life, you didn't realise and so, technically, didn't know them) I was crossing over on the day the chicken died. Life is all about losses and gains and sacrifice. God, it turned out, was indeed a mathematician and the trick was to figure out when patterns changed. Taking on mortgages, investments, new businesses, and other financial or political commitments (all those years spent in the 'Friends of St George's Park' and the kids school governors meetings...) are nothing when compared to keeping chickens, kittens, dogs and so on. Taking on responsibility for lives directly nudges you into the harsh light of divine judgement. it puts you in division one when it comes to final reckoning statistics. Same thing goes for wives and girlfriends. God help Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart.
When I say 'crossing over', it sounds a bit odd. Its not a phrase i ever used in life. But it's the right one. It's right because dying is a process. it doesn't just happen. Even to the so called sudden death trajedy ones. They know they knew now. There aren't any accidents. The only big change is places and moments. You dont - live - in places and moments anymore. Instead, you become witness to the effects of everything you did. The change in Heaven and Hell is just as speedy as change on Earth right now. the bosses can't keep up. No--one seems to fussed which one they inhabit. No one arrives in trepidation - well, rarely. There's even talk of day passes so we can move freely between. It's not such a far cry from the European Union. I'll give you some idea of how it works - the mystery wont be lost entirely. Imagine yourself disembodied but present. imagine that you can either bear witness to the happiness you caused or the pain. You might suspect that your life has been the cause of both and maybe in similar measure but the important thing is to imagine only being able to see - to study - one or the other. That's Heaven and Hell. And the beauty of it is, it's never decided until you begin crossing over. For those few see-ers who know when their time is 'up', they can begin to guess. But mostly, you just start again. And it's not as stark as it sounds. It's how we keep a balance. Remember, even though you might only ever witness the damage you caused, you can still rest assured that you might have caused an equal amount of joy. You just don't get to see it - in Hell. I'm not sure this will translate so well. But look at the footage, start to imagine yourself in these places and moments. think what you could do. Imagine...
... and I'll tell you about the chicken.
The dog in question belongs to a young single mum, pregnant again, without time or inclination to fix the hole in her fence. She has time to come though. The dog is half husky and so one quarter wolf. The chicken dies of it,s own simplicity and shock. I was responsible. Suddenly, nailing some wire in place, I realise I will have less time to make reparations than to create more problems. I am responsible for the death of a chicken. That was the moment I was judged.
I had always been a sleepwalker. My mother had bells attached to all the doors and chimes on hinges which she put down at night so she'd know if I was up and about. It was first discovered when they found me at the age of five, sitting in the compost heap at the end of the garden, doing something that seemed close to making a cup of tea.... I had long periods when it went away, but it would always come back inexplicably. I had a few girlfriends in my twenties but none of them liked it at all. I guess that a man who was active and un-conscious during the night was always going to be a liability... as if men weren't difficult enough to trust anyway...
I had known Mary since we were in the sixth form together, where I had no idea she'd had a secret crush on me. We used to go Ice Skating with a group of friends on Saturdays and a few of us went out walking in the Peaks on Sundays. Eventually, this dwindled but Mary and me carried on - most weekends. She would take her camera with her and I was once a keen amateur Geologist, so i'd take a few tools and a bag and go rock - hunting. She told me later that she'd got bored taking pictures early on. Truth to tell was, I wasn't that keen on collecting rocks either.
Quite romantic looking back. We got married on Mary's 30th Birthday - we went to Las Vegas. The chapel of little flowers. I was Elvis. Two kids later and ten years on, we were really happy and content.
i can't believe a better way of dealing with time and money has never come around. Time, as I now know, is easily dealt with. There just isn't really any such thing. There was always an idea of eterninty. I mean it,s a word, isn,t it? But really, nobody ever lives in it, until they die. Which is a shame. Because not living in time is my favourite thing about being dead. But look, sorry, Im not here to tell you, the living, about death. Im supposed to be gathering information. Which is what I,ll be doing. Whilst you,re watching the film. Oh, I'm sorry, I don,t know if I,m explaining this very well. The bosses have done something which we couldn,t believe, at first. They,ve set up a new religion. Obviously, they fell out over some basic concepts and design ideas, so there,s a hell version and a heaven version... But they both needed it for the same reason. Soul Disappearance. It,s as big for us as Global Warming is for you. The really important thing and why i,m doing this... Watching you watching you that is... That... They are mystified. They are all seeing omnipresent gods of all things and they are completely lost as to where souls are going. It,s the first thing theyve agreed on in years. I think they might be starting to feel their own mortality. Anyway, here I am, back in my home town, on a commission of the highest order, taking notes on you all looking at yourselves, to see where in Gods names, the souls have gone? Think of it as a kind of giant focus group. But whatever you do, think freely, anything else might skew the results. Just sit back, watch, listen and reflect. what we are about here is the search for salvation. There will be an ice cream lady in the interlude. I insisted.
look at them getting away with things all the time. when it comes to sin and salvation, they,re like snails. But they dont know it. One drops blessings and heals all as she goes while another just overspills trouble and ramifications. A little bit of inside overtaking, a bit of anxious tailgating.. No big harm done... They,ve no idea. The roads are good way to look at this heaven and hell thing. It,s on the roads that we [the westerners] have the most chance to share, to consider, to follow the same rules.... The highway code is as valid a set of rules as the bible and those are the words of god not mine. Mark my words... I used to drive a volvo.
I used to write poems:
This one seems quite relevant - remember - it's your honest responses we're after - Focus Group.
late night shopping
Alexandra Burke and Lady ga ga,
Stray Husky Eats Chicken
The girls are late home on the bus and
inch by inch despite hope or intention
they get what they need
maybe God's intervention
was just to home-bake a Pizza
and pay a small compliment
That might've been all
that was needed.
I find myself digging holes
for fenceposts again.....
knee deep in chicken shit
and mudlove; last of all
we made a soup to turn
Teachers into Half-Frogs. (LONG PAUSE>>>>>>>>>>)
Look at this woman here... bin rummaging. She's doing 'Textiles' actually. How many of you would have guessed? And she's seen me filming her - look - doesn't like it.
All those boxes we've invented, by the way, they really are bullshit. When you are cooking your bacon in the morning, you might be doing textiles; when you mow your lawn (oh god, lawns) that's physics and chemistry and english literature and art history all rolled into one. It depends greatly on how we do things. The idea that 'life begins at 40' is a good one. Largely, we live when we are young and usually start again before we 'die'. The thing to try and get hold of is that very few people manage to live their whole lives. I think my sleepwalking was most intrusive - by that I mean - I think I 'did' more in my sleep when I was mostly dead to the world... (PAUSE)..... So don't think the bosses make judgments on our intentions - I think they do it on a tick box average system of.. well kind of trying versus not trying. That's why humans are forever seeing injustice everywhere and asking that perennial question about 'why doesn't God do something?'. It's just the wrong question - and usually a bit egocentric...
The moment you know you've had it is the moment it's too late to change anything. When you think that moment arrives will very much determine how you live your life. But, if you figure it out right. Life can be great.
As I said, for me it was the chicken and here is the shed where it's carcass is rotting, still, two weeks later. Oh yes, i'm not long gone. The chicken got set on by the husky whilst we were away, making the monthly trip to South Mimms Services when I deliver the grandchildren on behalf of my son - who married the wrong woman entirely. We joined the Caravan Club. There's an institution designed to send you to sleep if ever there was one. Not that I can hold them responsible for the suffocation of my wife. But I was alseep and I will be rightly vindicated. But who'd want to go on living? That I was still judged for my poor chicken shed erecting seems, as I have said, unjust. But having had the whole thing explained, I understand... and I do feel guilty that my son will have do his own driving to collect and deliver his kids but he will be inheriting the campervan now. And it's a bloody good one. See that man painting there - he's got three minutes left. If he doesn't get off his ladder, call his wife, tell her he's leaving her and then call his employer and tell her the same. And yet time no longer exists.
All i'm trying to do is what I was asked:
“What really motivates people these days?”
On the merit of the results I put forward the bosses will consider re-introducing time (on a limited basis and in certain safer 'constituencies') in the form of day passes. This will be a major change in the constitution of Heaven and Hell. It wont be made lightly and nor was the decision that I am the leading expert in the field of making such decisions. … Ours is not to reason why.....
here's another - er, poem that is. I hate that word P-O-E-M. Hate it.
on how ridiculous the news is
a murder
random
yaw divn want to understand em
glad for the allotment
the clubcard
the evening standard
your car,
your wifey
the way yr branded
good to drift
split shift copper
proper bar the tick
of your memory stick
be there at the start?
Impossible.
Im moving away to make it easier for you
thats ok, this is quite a good arrangement.
You cant hear this brif exchange of words, but it happens here, look. That guy has parked in an highly unconventional reverse mode in Tesco,s garage. The other guy, has managed to utilise the same pump, whilst the previous fella shops for his groceries. In fifteen years time, Tesco,s, a nationalised and licenced corporation for the retailing of goods on public highways, will discover a contraflow system which will increase their UK turnover nationally, by 4.7 million euros a day. That short exchange was the seed of this considerable change. In another possible universe .. And there are so many... The exchange could have meant something far more limited in it,s potential for outward change but far more advancing of the progress of each of our brief protagonists in their journeys through purgatory.....
these kind of moments are 'speech ghosts'. You may have had the experience, in life of saying something inadvertently and seemingly mundane in response to one set of circumstances only to find with a weighty surprise, that you have just made some inner revelation, with life changing scope. It is almost as if some, perhaps benevolent, but perhaps cruel spectre has voiced your thoughts for you. If you listen there might be some direction to be found. Of course, this is the only way we can do it. We aren't allowed to conspire to bring, in this case, two cars together, but we can influence your choice of words, making you say the thing [in this case] that you had been keeping stowed and silent inside your head: "I am moving away to make things easier for you".... It was a statement of truth which was profoundly accurate at every level of this mans existence. His next action will be to take the day off work. Unlike my impoverished efforts at chicken coup building, this guy heeds the apparently abstract warning and his life will change from here. Choices will remain open to him. But in this moment, things could have gone a different way. It was one of those moments....
And then, there was the other mans response: "Thats ok, this is quite a good arrangement"... Well, he was jut talking about the rear to rear bumper parking and that, as I explained also found it,s ultimate
realisation. A seminal moment, they call it...
Thanks for your attention in these matters. Your responses will be forwarded verbatim and without quantitative embellishment. As I said the bosses are consummate mathematicians... If you would like to add anything else, there,s a comments book by the exit. End.
Selfishness is not a sin. It is sometimes to be pitied though. This is because the quality and facet of having the ability to appreciate and take pleasure in the well doing of others is a gift. All be it a gift which comes from an unknown source [in life]. It is actually an angelic thing to be unselfish and rarer than most of the living appreciate. So, selfishness, by it,s varying increments, is a variable and all too willingly tolerated curse. Why should other peoples' happiness bring joy to ourselves? Once again, I beckon you towards the comments book as a power walking vicar passes by, personal stereo blazing with something seemingly unholy. I hope he is not oblivious to the sheer beauty of this place. [end still]
December 27, 2009
start (un-edited) with female voice first words...
INT. STARBUCKS
(black screen with 'GOD AND THE DEVIL MEET IN STARBUCKS MAY 21st IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORDS TWO THOUSAND AND TEN' - graphic)
sounds of coffee making and peoples chatter....
GOD
We have some important things to talk about, you and I.
DEVIL
Can I have a Latte?
GOD
You and I are not as important as we once were. I think we need to find out why.
DEVIL
Americano?
GOD
Look, I just need you to be omnipresent with me for a while - ok?
DEVIL
OK.
(sound of a cup being set down)
WAITER
Your Latte sir
DEVIL
Do you have to do everything as a reward for good behaviour? You're not my father y know...
GOD
Just blow the froth off that and come for a look round with me...
EXT. CEMETERY 'CLOSING TIME 4.30' SIGN - MORNING
GOD
Ok, here's a nice place to start... now, you have always worked on the assumption that death frightens people the most
DEVIL
No I haven't
GOD
Havent you?
DEVIL
No
GOD
Oh
DEVIL
You want to know what frightens people?
GOD
That might prove useful
DEVIL
dreams frighten people - have you seen that film 'paranormal activity'?
GOD
No
DEVIL
..scared the shit out of me
GOD
Your point is....?
DEVIL
oh, yeah, Ok.
EXT. FRESH DUG GRAVE IN CEMETERY - MORNING
Dreams, right - take this guy -
I've booked him in for a second tour - are you aware of the case?
GOD
No
DEVIL
Ok, read this
GOD
(reading aloud) A man who strangled his wife during a nightmare has walked free from court after the prosecution withdrew all charges against him. Both defence and prosecution had accepted at the start of the trial that Mr Jones was not in control of his actions at the time of the killing. The jury had been asked to decide not if he had killed his wife but whether he was medically insane at the time that he had done so. The defence claimed that Mr Jones was suffering the “non-insane” form of automatism and is asking for an acquittal, which would not require him to be detained.Yesterday they were directed to return a not-guilty verdict, allowing Mr Jones to leave court an innocent man.....
oh not this again. we,ve been round this a million times already... i'm not for making people responsible for their dreams
DEVIL
Ok, Ok Ok, so what did you want to talk to me about?
GOD
Well, like I said, it seems like we're just not important enough anymore....
DEVIL
Exactly. Listen, this guy has been dreaming as if he's already died. I want to use him as a witness... or even a kind of inside reporter..
GOD
That's hardly a new idea: Hebrews 12:1: "So, then, because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also put off every weight and the sin that easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." i believe there are about six million Jehova's witnesses already doing that job.
DEVIL
eee - yes, well, you know how I feel about them... no, I was thinking of someone a bit more un-biased. An un-decided; someone impartial... this guy is GREAT.
GOD
A second coming?
DEVIL
Well, yes.
GOD
Someone impartial, un-decided?
DEVIL
Exactly
GOD
Well they'll be really bloody unique won't they! That's exactly why we're here - that accounts for nearly everyone.
Devil
you swore (you said BLOODY)
GOD
This is the modern world
DEVIL
and you were sarcastic.......
So, you're not against the idea?
GOD
No
DEVIL
in fact, you're willing?
GOD
Yes.
DEVIL
Excellent
GOD AND DEVIL AT THE SAME TIME:
There's one condition though
GOD
DONT DO THAT
(devil whines a little like a dog) - shot of dog spelt backwards?
(god continues uninterrupted) I will send one and you can send one
DEVIL
Whooppee
GOD
You can have your sleepwalker - not that we've actually decided he's yours - and I will send one other. The condition is this: Watching Brief only. i don't want anyone announcing themselves as the second coming - there's too many people at it already.
DEVIL (childlike)
Well, obviously - der.....
GOD
So, when did your guy cross over?
DEVIL
....... just then.
GOD
Suicide. i hate that.
DEVIL
Freewill....
GOD
mmmmmmmmm
DEVIL
(pause) so - who's your chosen one?
FEMALE VOICE
I remember Tomatoes on a wooden window-sill. I remember the gardens and the hedges of the neighbours for miles around the houses where I grew up. I remember the water-butt that was always brimful and the scrapings left out for the sparrows and tits and finches and my dad chasing away the starlings. He hated starlings. Starlings and Italians. I think, to him, they were one and the same thing.
I remember always telling the time in a circle with a 'past' and a 'to'... or as some of the older folks would have said, an 'after' and a before'..... I like remembering the look of things for what you can tell now that you never knew then: People's incomes and fortunes, tastes and, well, just - what they were like..... I like the way that watching helps you see the changes. What I remember well is how slowly things changed. I remember a worn yellow and brown axminster carpet that was always there. Once and once only, it was replaced by a different coloured axminster carpet downstairs and the patchwork of my parents upstairs floors was replaced by that old yellow and brown. I don't know when this happened but I remember a trip to Darley Dale on boxing day to choose the new carpet and knowing that this was a serious and enjoyable occasion and that the expense was very large indeed - a once in a lifetime experience, talked about for years in advance. The Boxing Day sales. More exciting, that year, than Christmas...
With the savings we made, we bought a 'Kilmarnock' willow tree which sat and barely grew but lived in the dead centre of the front garden for as long as my grandparents lived in the house. I know now that 'Kilmarnock' means nothing but just sounds nice. They breed in disease, which makes the foliage 'variegated' - or 'pretty' as we, I mean, Mum, would have said. It also kills the growth and limits the life of the plant. They call this 'planned obsolescence'. It's just one way that some people who are - cleverer - than other people, have discovered so as to 'maximise profits'. That tree never took up any more space in our garden than it did when first we planted it and, of course, over time, we couldn't help but re-visit the garden centre after that first trip to find new plants. After a few years and a lot of pursuasion, my grandfather built a rockery around the Kilmarnock Willow - to fill the space - which no doubt stunted it even more - so mum could go to Darley Dale to look at plants every Sunday in the Vanden Plas...
Our first car. Bought new for £350. Lasted 25 years. It was my job to polish the walnut dash. An Austin Vanden Plas Princess II - to give it it's proper title. Built in 1950 by the 'ang 'em 'n 'dutch'... Like 'all days and onions', this was one of the many mysterious phrases dad would drop in to his daily conversations. I never felt the need to ask what he meant, as I had never doubted his meaning since I had learned, from a toddlers age and viewpoint, to match the phrase to the look in his eyes when he spoke. In that way, you always knew his meaning...
In my opinion, you can learn to love a thing even more from cleaning it than you can by making it from new. Not that I know - not that I knew - much about engineering then. But I loved that car. I loved most things in me life. You never know how much until they are gone. Maybe that is why we resisted change so much.... Maybe resisting change is not such a bad thing as it's cracked up to be - nowadays.........
DEVIL
Ahhhh, she's NICE
GOD
mmmmm... maybe.
DEVIL
who is she?
GOD
Mrs Jones
DEVIL
What -
GOD
yep
DEVIL
No - hoo hoo... do they -?
GOD
Know? No
DEVIL
(roaring laughing) This'll make for some great scripture... god the father, god the son and... hoo ... god the homicidal sonambulent sex starved married couple.... much more realistic. I am impressed.
GOD
shut up.
pause in monologue for visual images TO BE CONFIRMED AND SUPPLIED BY MY VISUAL CREATIVE RESPONDENT (VCR)<<<<
I like being dead. All you do is remember. You don't want. I think I'd stopped wanting for myself while I was alive. but you find yourself wanting for other people then - and that can be frustrating as well...
(black screen with 'GOD AND THE DEVIL MEET IN STARBUCKS MAY 21st IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORDS TWO THOUSAND AND TEN' - graphic)
sounds of coffee making and peoples chatter....
GOD
We have some important things to talk about, you and I.
DEVIL
Can I have a Latte?
GOD
You and I are not as important as we once were. I think we need to find out why.
DEVIL
Americano?
GOD
Look, I just need you to be omnipresent with me for a while - ok?
DEVIL
OK.
(sound of a cup being set down)
WAITER
Your Latte sir
DEVIL
Do you have to do everything as a reward for good behaviour? You're not my father y know...
GOD
Just blow the froth off that and come for a look round with me...
EXT. CEMETERY 'CLOSING TIME 4.30' SIGN - MORNING
GOD
Ok, here's a nice place to start... now, you have always worked on the assumption that death frightens people the most
DEVIL
No I haven't
GOD
Havent you?
DEVIL
No
GOD
Oh
DEVIL
You want to know what frightens people?
GOD
That might prove useful
DEVIL
dreams frighten people - have you seen that film 'paranormal activity'?
GOD
No
DEVIL
..scared the shit out of me
GOD
Your point is....?
DEVIL
oh, yeah, Ok.
EXT. FRESH DUG GRAVE IN CEMETERY - MORNING
Dreams, right - take this guy -
I've booked him in for a second tour - are you aware of the case?
GOD
No
DEVIL
Ok, read this
GOD
(reading aloud) A man who strangled his wife during a nightmare has walked free from court after the prosecution withdrew all charges against him. Both defence and prosecution had accepted at the start of the trial that Mr Jones was not in control of his actions at the time of the killing. The jury had been asked to decide not if he had killed his wife but whether he was medically insane at the time that he had done so. The defence claimed that Mr Jones was suffering the “non-insane” form of automatism and is asking for an acquittal, which would not require him to be detained.Yesterday they were directed to return a not-guilty verdict, allowing Mr Jones to leave court an innocent man.....
oh not this again. we,ve been round this a million times already... i'm not for making people responsible for their dreams
DEVIL
Ok, Ok Ok, so what did you want to talk to me about?
GOD
Well, like I said, it seems like we're just not important enough anymore....
DEVIL
Exactly. Listen, this guy has been dreaming as if he's already died. I want to use him as a witness... or even a kind of inside reporter..
GOD
That's hardly a new idea: Hebrews 12:1: "So, then, because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also put off every weight and the sin that easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." i believe there are about six million Jehova's witnesses already doing that job.
DEVIL
eee - yes, well, you know how I feel about them... no, I was thinking of someone a bit more un-biased. An un-decided; someone impartial... this guy is GREAT.
GOD
A second coming?
DEVIL
Well, yes.
GOD
Someone impartial, un-decided?
DEVIL
Exactly
GOD
Well they'll be really bloody unique won't they! That's exactly why we're here - that accounts for nearly everyone.
Devil
you swore (you said BLOODY)
GOD
This is the modern world
DEVIL
and you were sarcastic.......
So, you're not against the idea?
GOD
No
DEVIL
in fact, you're willing?
GOD
Yes.
DEVIL
Excellent
GOD AND DEVIL AT THE SAME TIME:
There's one condition though
GOD
DONT DO THAT
(devil whines a little like a dog) - shot of dog spelt backwards?
(god continues uninterrupted) I will send one and you can send one
DEVIL
Whooppee
GOD
You can have your sleepwalker - not that we've actually decided he's yours - and I will send one other. The condition is this: Watching Brief only. i don't want anyone announcing themselves as the second coming - there's too many people at it already.
DEVIL (childlike)
Well, obviously - der.....
GOD
So, when did your guy cross over?
DEVIL
....... just then.
GOD
Suicide. i hate that.
DEVIL
Freewill....
GOD
mmmmmmmmm
DEVIL
(pause) so - who's your chosen one?
FEMALE VOICE
I remember Tomatoes on a wooden window-sill. I remember the gardens and the hedges of the neighbours for miles around the houses where I grew up. I remember the water-butt that was always brimful and the scrapings left out for the sparrows and tits and finches and my dad chasing away the starlings. He hated starlings. Starlings and Italians. I think, to him, they were one and the same thing.
I remember always telling the time in a circle with a 'past' and a 'to'... or as some of the older folks would have said, an 'after' and a before'..... I like remembering the look of things for what you can tell now that you never knew then: People's incomes and fortunes, tastes and, well, just - what they were like..... I like the way that watching helps you see the changes. What I remember well is how slowly things changed. I remember a worn yellow and brown axminster carpet that was always there. Once and once only, it was replaced by a different coloured axminster carpet downstairs and the patchwork of my parents upstairs floors was replaced by that old yellow and brown. I don't know when this happened but I remember a trip to Darley Dale on boxing day to choose the new carpet and knowing that this was a serious and enjoyable occasion and that the expense was very large indeed - a once in a lifetime experience, talked about for years in advance. The Boxing Day sales. More exciting, that year, than Christmas...
With the savings we made, we bought a 'Kilmarnock' willow tree which sat and barely grew but lived in the dead centre of the front garden for as long as my grandparents lived in the house. I know now that 'Kilmarnock' means nothing but just sounds nice. They breed in disease, which makes the foliage 'variegated' - or 'pretty' as we, I mean, Mum, would have said. It also kills the growth and limits the life of the plant. They call this 'planned obsolescence'. It's just one way that some people who are - cleverer - than other people, have discovered so as to 'maximise profits'. That tree never took up any more space in our garden than it did when first we planted it and, of course, over time, we couldn't help but re-visit the garden centre after that first trip to find new plants. After a few years and a lot of pursuasion, my grandfather built a rockery around the Kilmarnock Willow - to fill the space - which no doubt stunted it even more - so mum could go to Darley Dale to look at plants every Sunday in the Vanden Plas...
Our first car. Bought new for £350. Lasted 25 years. It was my job to polish the walnut dash. An Austin Vanden Plas Princess II - to give it it's proper title. Built in 1950 by the 'ang 'em 'n 'dutch'... Like 'all days and onions', this was one of the many mysterious phrases dad would drop in to his daily conversations. I never felt the need to ask what he meant, as I had never doubted his meaning since I had learned, from a toddlers age and viewpoint, to match the phrase to the look in his eyes when he spoke. In that way, you always knew his meaning...
In my opinion, you can learn to love a thing even more from cleaning it than you can by making it from new. Not that I know - not that I knew - much about engineering then. But I loved that car. I loved most things in me life. You never know how much until they are gone. Maybe that is why we resisted change so much.... Maybe resisting change is not such a bad thing as it's cracked up to be - nowadays.........
DEVIL
Ahhhh, she's NICE
GOD
mmmmm... maybe.
DEVIL
who is she?
GOD
Mrs Jones
DEVIL
What -
GOD
yep
DEVIL
No - hoo hoo... do they -?
GOD
Know? No
DEVIL
(roaring laughing) This'll make for some great scripture... god the father, god the son and... hoo ... god the homicidal sonambulent sex starved married couple.... much more realistic. I am impressed.
GOD
shut up.
pause in monologue for visual images TO BE CONFIRMED AND SUPPLIED BY MY VISUAL CREATIVE RESPONDENT (VCR)<<<<
I like being dead. All you do is remember. You don't want. I think I'd stopped wanting for myself while I was alive. but you find yourself wanting for other people then - and that can be frustrating as well...
December 09, 2009
During the late 19th century Pierre Janet, a French psychiatrist, treated mental disorders with hypnosis, as did other practitioners of dynamic psychiatry. In particular, he studied the automatic behaviour of mediums to determine the degree to which the subconscious interacts with the conscious during a trance. A medium, while in a self-induced trance, performs spontaneous physical acts with no conscious control. Psychiatry suggests that their apparent messages from a spirit world may actually be subliminal thoughts or feelings, released and given free expression.
Mrs Thomas was strangled by her husband in July 2008 while they were on holiday in Aberporth, West Wales. While parked in their camper van Mr Thomas dreamt that one of a group of “boy racers” who had disturbed them earlier had broken into the van and he fought with the intruder. When he came round he realised that he had killed his wife of 40 years.
The court was told that Mr Thomas had suffered from a variety of sleep disorders for most of his life and had a history of sleepwalking.
He had stopped taking medication for depression and Parkinson’s disease because it made him impotent, an omission that also affected his mental state.
The expert witnesses were briefed not to go into too much detail about the condition that affected Mr Thomas for fear of “copycat” killings.
The court was told that Mr Thomas had suffered from a variety of sleep disorders for most of his life and had a history of sleepwalking.
He had stopped taking medication for depression and Parkinson’s disease because it made him impotent, an omission that also affected his mental state.
The expert witnesses were briefed not to go into too much detail about the condition that affected Mr Thomas for fear of “copycat” killings.
The Verdict
A man who strangled his wife during a nightmare has walked free from court after the prosecution withdrew all charges against him.
Brian Thomas, 59, dreamt that intruders had broken into the couple’s camper van, and then killed his wife Christine while in a state known as automatism.
The judge told him that he had been a “decent man and a devoted husband” and bore no responsibility for his actions.
The Crown Prosecution Service described the case as “almost unique in the UK” and said there had been fewer than 50 recorded instances worldwide. It had argued during the case that Mr Thomas should be detained at a mental hospital but withdrew after three psychiatrists said that it would “serve no useful purpose”.
RELATED LINKS
Sleepwalker killed wife while suffering nightmare
The strange things we do when you're meant to be fast asleep
Sleep-walker cleared of attempted murder
Mr Thomas, a retired steel worker from Neath, South Wales, was on holiday with his wife, 57, when he woke up beside her lifeless body. The jury at Swansea Crown Court was played a recording of his 999 call and heard that he had been “suicidal” since her death.
Both defence and prosecution had accepted at the start of the trial that Mr Thomas was not in control of his actions at the time of the killing. The jury had been asked to decide not if he had killed his wife but whether he was medically insane at the time that he had done so. Yesterday they were directed to return a not-guilty verdict, allowing Mr Thomas to leave court an innocent man.
Iwan Jenkins, chief Crown prosecutor for CPS Dyfed Powys, said: “This has been a unique case with a unique set of circumstances.
“Following expert evidence from a psychiatrist it was suggested that no useful purpose would be served by Mr Thomas being detained and treated in a psychiatric hospital, which would be the consequence of a special verdict in this case.
“It is now clear that the psychiatrists feel the risk of reoccurrence is very, very small. It is only because of highly sophisticated tests carried out by sleep experts that Mr Thomas’s condition could be confirmed.”
Judge Mr Justice Nigel Davis told Thomas that although he would feel guilty about killing his wife: “In the eyes of the law you bear no responsibility for what happened.”
Mr Thomas’s brother Raymond said: “I wasn’t really surprised that it went to trial given the circumstances of what happened, but he’s a gentle man. Christine and Brian loved each other. Brian is very emotional right now but thankful to be out.”
Mrs Thomas was strangled by her husband in July 2008 while they were on holiday in Aberporth, West Wales. While parked in their camper van Mr Thomas dreamt that one of a group of “boy racers” who had disturbed them earlier had broken into the van and he fought with the intruder. When he came round he realised that he had killed his wife of 40 years.
The court was told that Mr Thomas had suffered from a variety of sleep disorders for most of his life and had a history of sleepwalking.
He had stopped taking medication for depression and Parkinson’s disease because it made him impotent, an omission that also affected his mental state.
The expert witnesses were briefed not to go into too much detail about the condition that affected Mr Thomas for fear of “copycat” killings.
Brian Thomas, 59, dreamt that intruders had broken into the couple’s camper van, and then killed his wife Christine while in a state known as automatism.
The judge told him that he had been a “decent man and a devoted husband” and bore no responsibility for his actions.
The Crown Prosecution Service described the case as “almost unique in the UK” and said there had been fewer than 50 recorded instances worldwide. It had argued during the case that Mr Thomas should be detained at a mental hospital but withdrew after three psychiatrists said that it would “serve no useful purpose”.
RELATED LINKS
Sleepwalker killed wife while suffering nightmare
The strange things we do when you're meant to be fast asleep
Sleep-walker cleared of attempted murder
Mr Thomas, a retired steel worker from Neath, South Wales, was on holiday with his wife, 57, when he woke up beside her lifeless body. The jury at Swansea Crown Court was played a recording of his 999 call and heard that he had been “suicidal” since her death.
Both defence and prosecution had accepted at the start of the trial that Mr Thomas was not in control of his actions at the time of the killing. The jury had been asked to decide not if he had killed his wife but whether he was medically insane at the time that he had done so. Yesterday they were directed to return a not-guilty verdict, allowing Mr Thomas to leave court an innocent man.
Iwan Jenkins, chief Crown prosecutor for CPS Dyfed Powys, said: “This has been a unique case with a unique set of circumstances.
“Following expert evidence from a psychiatrist it was suggested that no useful purpose would be served by Mr Thomas being detained and treated in a psychiatric hospital, which would be the consequence of a special verdict in this case.
“It is now clear that the psychiatrists feel the risk of reoccurrence is very, very small. It is only because of highly sophisticated tests carried out by sleep experts that Mr Thomas’s condition could be confirmed.”
Judge Mr Justice Nigel Davis told Thomas that although he would feel guilty about killing his wife: “In the eyes of the law you bear no responsibility for what happened.”
Mr Thomas’s brother Raymond said: “I wasn’t really surprised that it went to trial given the circumstances of what happened, but he’s a gentle man. Christine and Brian loved each other. Brian is very emotional right now but thankful to be out.”
Mrs Thomas was strangled by her husband in July 2008 while they were on holiday in Aberporth, West Wales. While parked in their camper van Mr Thomas dreamt that one of a group of “boy racers” who had disturbed them earlier had broken into the van and he fought with the intruder. When he came round he realised that he had killed his wife of 40 years.
The court was told that Mr Thomas had suffered from a variety of sleep disorders for most of his life and had a history of sleepwalking.
He had stopped taking medication for depression and Parkinson’s disease because it made him impotent, an omission that also affected his mental state.
The expert witnesses were briefed not to go into too much detail about the condition that affected Mr Thomas for fear of “copycat” killings.
The News...
He woke up alongside his wife’s body and dialled 999. In a tape of the call played to the jury he was heard telling the emergency operator: “I think I’ve killed my wife. Oh my God. I thought someone had broken in. I was fighting with those boys but it was Christine. I must have been dreaming or something. What have I done? What have I done? Can you send someone?”
Mr Thomas was crying and shaking when he was found by police officers ten minutes after making the call. He had said of his wife: “She is my world.”
Paul Thomas, QC, for the prosecution, said: “The defendant accepts that he caused the death of his wife, but the prosecution do not seek a verdict of guilty to murder or manslaughter. Instead, very unusually, we seek what is called a special verdict, a verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.”
The court was told that the Thomases were a “happy, devoted couple” who were due to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Mr Thomas, of Neath, South Wales, had suffered from sleep disorders for 50 years. Medical experts had carried out tests that confirmed his behaviour was “consistent with the legal concept of automatism”.
The prosecution said: “In other words, at the time of the killing the defendant was asleep and his mind had no control over what his body was doing.”
Elwen Evans, QC, for the defence, explained that Mr Thomas had stopped taking anti-depressant medication and drugs to control the symptoms of Parkinson’s while on holiday because it affected his sexual performance.
“He did this because they were sleeping together,” she said. “They were intimate together — in a way they weren’t when they were in their separate bedrooms at home.”
Miss Evans said that Mr Thomas was not “insane in the everyday sense of the word,” but that the noise of the boy racers caused him “considerable levels of stress”. The court was told that Mrs Thomas also had sleeping problems.
The jury heard that in law there were two types of automatism: insane automatism and non-insane automatism. Counsel explained: “This was a case of insane automatism because the sleeping disorder the defendant had suffered from since childhood was ‘part of him’ and not something that could be cured.”
If he is found not guilty due to insanity he will be subject to a psychiatric hospital order and could be detained indefinitely.
The defence claims that Mr Thomas was suffering the “non-insane” form of automatism and is asking for an acquittal, which would not require him to be detained.
The trial continues.
Mr Thomas was crying and shaking when he was found by police officers ten minutes after making the call. He had said of his wife: “She is my world.”
Paul Thomas, QC, for the prosecution, said: “The defendant accepts that he caused the death of his wife, but the prosecution do not seek a verdict of guilty to murder or manslaughter. Instead, very unusually, we seek what is called a special verdict, a verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.”
The court was told that the Thomases were a “happy, devoted couple” who were due to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Mr Thomas, of Neath, South Wales, had suffered from sleep disorders for 50 years. Medical experts had carried out tests that confirmed his behaviour was “consistent with the legal concept of automatism”.
The prosecution said: “In other words, at the time of the killing the defendant was asleep and his mind had no control over what his body was doing.”
Elwen Evans, QC, for the defence, explained that Mr Thomas had stopped taking anti-depressant medication and drugs to control the symptoms of Parkinson’s while on holiday because it affected his sexual performance.
“He did this because they were sleeping together,” she said. “They were intimate together — in a way they weren’t when they were in their separate bedrooms at home.”
Miss Evans said that Mr Thomas was not “insane in the everyday sense of the word,” but that the noise of the boy racers caused him “considerable levels of stress”. The court was told that Mrs Thomas also had sleeping problems.
The jury heard that in law there were two types of automatism: insane automatism and non-insane automatism. Counsel explained: “This was a case of insane automatism because the sleeping disorder the defendant had suffered from since childhood was ‘part of him’ and not something that could be cured.”
If he is found not guilty due to insanity he will be subject to a psychiatric hospital order and could be detained indefinitely.
The defence claims that Mr Thomas was suffering the “non-insane” form of automatism and is asking for an acquittal, which would not require him to be detained.
The trial continues.
Im moving away to make it easier for you
thats ok, this is quite a good arrangement.
You cant hear this brif exchange of words, but it happens here, look. That guy has parked in an highly unconventional reverse mode in Tesco,s garage. The other guy, has managed to utilise the same pump, whilst the previous fella shops for his groceries. In fifteen years time, Tesco,s, a nationalised and licenced corporation for the retailing of goods on public highways, will discover a contraflow system which will increase their UK turnover nationally, by 4.7 million euros a day. That short exchange was the seed of this considerable change. In another possible universe .. And there are so many... The exchange could have meant something far more limited in it,s potential for outward change but far more advancing of the progress of each of our brief protagonists in their journeys through purgatory.....
these kind of moments are 'speech ghosts'. You may have had the experience, in life of saying something inadvertently and seemingly mundane in response to one set of circumstances only to find with a weighty surprise, that you have just made some inner revelation, with life changing scope. It is almost as if some, perhaps benevolent, but perhaps cruel spectre has voiced your thoughts for you. If you listen there might be some direction to be found. Of course, this is the only way we can do it. We aren't allowed to conspire to bring, in this case, two cars together, but we can influence your choice of words, making you say the thing [in this case] that you had been keeping stowed and silent inside your head: "I am moving away to make things easier for you".... It was a statement of truth which was profoundly accurate at every level of this mans existence. His next action will be to take the day off work. Unlike my impoverished efforts at chicken coup building, this guy heeds the apparently abstract warning and his life will change from here. Choices will remain open to him. But in this moment, things could have gone a different way. It was one of those moments....
And then, there was the other mans response: "Thats ok, this is quite a good arrangement"... Well, he was jut talking about the rear to rear bumper parking and that, as I explained also found it,s ultimate
realisation. A seminal moment, they call it...
Thanks for your attention in these matters. Your responses will be forwarded verbatim and without quantitative embellishment. As I said the bosses are consummate mathematicians... If you would like to add anything else, there,s a comments book by the exit. End.
thats ok, this is quite a good arrangement.
You cant hear this brif exchange of words, but it happens here, look. That guy has parked in an highly unconventional reverse mode in Tesco,s garage. The other guy, has managed to utilise the same pump, whilst the previous fella shops for his groceries. In fifteen years time, Tesco,s, a nationalised and licenced corporation for the retailing of goods on public highways, will discover a contraflow system which will increase their UK turnover nationally, by 4.7 million euros a day. That short exchange was the seed of this considerable change. In another possible universe .. And there are so many... The exchange could have meant something far more limited in it,s potential for outward change but far more advancing of the progress of each of our brief protagonists in their journeys through purgatory.....
these kind of moments are 'speech ghosts'. You may have had the experience, in life of saying something inadvertently and seemingly mundane in response to one set of circumstances only to find with a weighty surprise, that you have just made some inner revelation, with life changing scope. It is almost as if some, perhaps benevolent, but perhaps cruel spectre has voiced your thoughts for you. If you listen there might be some direction to be found. Of course, this is the only way we can do it. We aren't allowed to conspire to bring, in this case, two cars together, but we can influence your choice of words, making you say the thing [in this case] that you had been keeping stowed and silent inside your head: "I am moving away to make things easier for you".... It was a statement of truth which was profoundly accurate at every level of this mans existence. His next action will be to take the day off work. Unlike my impoverished efforts at chicken coup building, this guy heeds the apparently abstract warning and his life will change from here. Choices will remain open to him. But in this moment, things could have gone a different way. It was one of those moments....
And then, there was the other mans response: "Thats ok, this is quite a good arrangement"... Well, he was jut talking about the rear to rear bumper parking and that, as I explained also found it,s ultimate
realisation. A seminal moment, they call it...
Thanks for your attention in these matters. Your responses will be forwarded verbatim and without quantitative embellishment. As I said the bosses are consummate mathematicians... If you would like to add anything else, there,s a comments book by the exit. End.
after we had the kids, i started hiding. i say that now because it seems perfectly reasonable in life to do nothing more than respond to what gets thrown at you in the best way possible and feel ok about your soul's wellbeing. Not that this was wrong. Heaven and hell are a bit, no they are very like life: You see a limited number of people running around like blue arsed you know whats, trying to achieve, help, win, accomplish, understand, examine and so on... and most of us think: "oh christ, don't they ever stop?" Well, we're all going to be that runner, over achieving business type, philanthropic good do-er of miraculous goods. We wont have time to think about this kind of stuff. We wont reflect. we,ll be on a mission. It all comes around you know. There's so many mysteries. Look at that busker. President Lincoln. Straight up. i know it's hard to understand. But, just look after your pets. lke it or not. that makes for a lot of short cuts and covers your back better than most seemingly brownie point winning activities. really.
Selfishness is not a sin. It is sometimes to be pitied though. This is because the quality and facet of having the ability to appreciate and take pleasure in the well doing of others is a gift. All be it a gift which comes from an unknown source [in life]. It is actually an angelic thing to be unselfish and rarer than most of the living appreciate. So, selfishness, by it,s varying incremeents, is a variable and all too willingly tolerated curse. Why should other peoples' happiness bring joy to ourselves? Once again, I beckon you towards the comments book as a power walking vicar passes by, personal stereo blazing with something seemingly unholy. I hope he is not oblivious to the sheer beauty of this place. [end still]
Look at this woman here... bin rummaging. She's doing 'Textiles' actually. How many of you would have guessed? And she's seen me filming her – look – doesn't like it.
All those boxes we've invented, by the way, they really are bullshit. When you are cooking your bacon in the morning, you might be doing textiles; when you mow your lawn (oh god, lawns) that's physics and chemistry and english literature and art history all rolled into one. It depends greatly on how we do things. The idea that 'life begins at 40' is a good one. Largely, we live when we are young and usually start again before we 'die'. The thing to try and get hold of is that very few people manage to live their whole lives. I think my sleepwalking was most intrusive – by that I mean – I think I 'did' more in my sleep when I was mostly dead to the world... (PAUSE)..... So don't think the bosses make judgments on our intentions – I think they do it on a tick box average system of.. well kind of trying versus not trying. That's why humans are forever seeing injustice everywhere and asking that perennial question about 'why doesn't God do something?'. It's just the wrong question – and usually a bit egocentric...
The moment you know you've had it is the moment it's too late to change anything. When you think that moment arrives will very much determine how you live your life. But, if you figure it out right. Life can be great.
As I said, for me it was the chicken and here is the shed where it's carcass is rotting, still, two weeks later. Oh yes, i'm not long gone. The chicken got set on by the husky whilst we were away, making the monthly trip to South Mimms Services when I deliver the grandchildren on behalf of my son – who married the wrong woman entirely. We joined the Caravan Club. There's an institution designed to send you to sleep if ever there was one. Not that I can hold them responsible for the suffocation of my wife. But I was alseep and I will be rightly vindicated. But who'd want to go on living? That I was still judged for my poor chicken shed erecting seems, as I have said, unjust. But having had the whole thing explained, I understand... and I do feel guilty that my son will have do his own driving to collect and deliver his kids but he will be inheriting the campervan now. And it's a bloody good one. See that man painting there – he's got three minutes left. If he doesn't get off his ladder, call his wife, tell her he's leaving her and then call his employer and tell her the same. And yet time no longer exists.
All i'm trying to do is what I was asked:
“What really motivates people these days?”
On the merit of the results I put forward the bosses will consider re-introducing time (on a limited basis and in certain safer 'constituencies'in the form of day passes. This will be a major change in the constitution of Heaven and Hell. It wont be made lightly and nor was the decision that I am the leading expert in the field of making such decisions. … Ours is not to reason why.....
All those boxes we've invented, by the way, they really are bullshit. When you are cooking your bacon in the morning, you might be doing textiles; when you mow your lawn (oh god, lawns) that's physics and chemistry and english literature and art history all rolled into one. It depends greatly on how we do things. The idea that 'life begins at 40' is a good one. Largely, we live when we are young and usually start again before we 'die'. The thing to try and get hold of is that very few people manage to live their whole lives. I think my sleepwalking was most intrusive – by that I mean – I think I 'did' more in my sleep when I was mostly dead to the world... (PAUSE)..... So don't think the bosses make judgments on our intentions – I think they do it on a tick box average system of.. well kind of trying versus not trying. That's why humans are forever seeing injustice everywhere and asking that perennial question about 'why doesn't God do something?'. It's just the wrong question – and usually a bit egocentric...
The moment you know you've had it is the moment it's too late to change anything. When you think that moment arrives will very much determine how you live your life. But, if you figure it out right. Life can be great.
As I said, for me it was the chicken and here is the shed where it's carcass is rotting, still, two weeks later. Oh yes, i'm not long gone. The chicken got set on by the husky whilst we were away, making the monthly trip to South Mimms Services when I deliver the grandchildren on behalf of my son – who married the wrong woman entirely. We joined the Caravan Club. There's an institution designed to send you to sleep if ever there was one. Not that I can hold them responsible for the suffocation of my wife. But I was alseep and I will be rightly vindicated. But who'd want to go on living? That I was still judged for my poor chicken shed erecting seems, as I have said, unjust. But having had the whole thing explained, I understand... and I do feel guilty that my son will have do his own driving to collect and deliver his kids but he will be inheriting the campervan now. And it's a bloody good one. See that man painting there – he's got three minutes left. If he doesn't get off his ladder, call his wife, tell her he's leaving her and then call his employer and tell her the same. And yet time no longer exists.
All i'm trying to do is what I was asked:
“What really motivates people these days?”
On the merit of the results I put forward the bosses will consider re-introducing time (on a limited basis and in certain safer 'constituencies'in the form of day passes. This will be a major change in the constitution of Heaven and Hell. It wont be made lightly and nor was the decision that I am the leading expert in the field of making such decisions. … Ours is not to reason why.....
chains
i can't believe a better way of dealing with time and money has never come around. Time, as I now know, is easily dealt with. There just isn't really any such thing. There was always an idea of eterninty. I mean it,s a word, isn,t it? But really, nobody ever lives in it, until they die. Which is a shame. Because not living in time is my favourite thing about being dead. But look, sorry, Im not here to tell you, the living, about death. Im supposed to be gathering information. Which is what I,ll be doing. Whilst you,re watching the film. Oh, I'm sorry, I don,t know if I,m explaining this very well. The bosses have done something which we couldn,t believe, at first. They,ve set up a new religion. Obviously, they fell out over some basic concepts and design ideas, so there,s a hell version and a heaven version... But they both needed it for the same reason. Soul Disappearance. It,s as big for us as Global Warming is for you. The really important thing and why i,m doing this... Watching you watching you that is... That... They are mystified. They are all seeing omnipresent gods of all things and they are completely lost as to where souls are going. It,s the first thing theyve agreed on in years. I think they might be starting to feel their own mortality. Anyway, here I am, back in my home town, on a commission of the highest order, taking notes on you all looking at yourselves, to see where in Gods names, the ghosts have gone? Think of it as a kind of giant focus group. But whatever you do, think freely, anything else might skew the results. Just sit back, watch, listen and reflect. what we are about here is the search for salvation. There will be an ice cream lady in the interlude. On that, I insisted.
December 01, 2009
6.
I had always been a sleepwalker. My mother had bells attached to all the doors and chimes on hinges which she put down at night so she'd know if I was up and about. It was first discovered when they found me at the age of five, sitting in the compost heap at the end of the garden, doing something that seemed close to making a cup of tea.... I had long periods when it went away, but it would always come back inexplicably. I had a few girlfriends in my twenties but none of them liked it at all. I guess that a man who was active and un-conscious during the night was always going to be a liability... as if men weren't difficult enough to trust anyway...
I had known Mary since we were in the sixth form together, where I had no idea she'd had a secret crush on me. We used to go Ice Skating with a group of friends on Saturdays and a few of us went out walking in the Peaks on Sundays. Eventually, this dwindled but Mary and me carried on - most weekends. She would take her camera with her and I was once a keen amateur Geologist, so i'd take a few tools and a bag and go rock - hunting. She told me later that she'd got bored taking pictures early on. Truth to tell was, I wasn't that keen on collecting rocks either.
Quite romantic looking back. We got married on Mary's 30th Birthday - we went to Las Vegas. The chapel of little flowers. I was Elvis. Two kids later and ten years on, we were really happy and content.
I had known Mary since we were in the sixth form together, where I had no idea she'd had a secret crush on me. We used to go Ice Skating with a group of friends on Saturdays and a few of us went out walking in the Peaks on Sundays. Eventually, this dwindled but Mary and me carried on - most weekends. She would take her camera with her and I was once a keen amateur Geologist, so i'd take a few tools and a bag and go rock - hunting. She told me later that she'd got bored taking pictures early on. Truth to tell was, I wasn't that keen on collecting rocks either.
Quite romantic looking back. We got married on Mary's 30th Birthday - we went to Las Vegas. The chapel of little flowers. I was Elvis. Two kids later and ten years on, we were really happy and content.
November 30, 2009
5.
The dog in question belongs to a young single mum, pregnant again, without time or inclination to fix the hole in her fence. She has time to come though. The dog is half husky and so one quarter wolf. The chicken dies of it,s own simplicity and shock. I was responsible. Suddenly, nailing some wire in place, I realise I will have less time to make reparations than to create more problems. I am responsible for the death of a chicken. That was the moment I was judged.
November 27, 2009
3
When I say 'crossing over', it sounds a bit odd. Its not a phrase i ever used in life. But it's the right one. It's right because dying is a process. it doesn't just happen. Even to the so called sudden death trajedy ones. They know they knew now. There aren't any accidents. The only big change is places and moments. You dont - live - in places and moments anymore. Instead, you become witness to the effects of everything you did. The change in Heaven and Hell is just as speedy as change on Earth right now. the bosses can't keep up. No--one seems to fussed which one they inhabit. No one arrives in trepidation - well, rarely. There's even talk of day passes so we can move freely between. It's not such a far cry from the European Union. I'll give you some idea of how it works - the mystery wont be lost entirely. Imagine yourself disembodied but present. imagine that you can either bear witness to the happiness you caused or the pain. You might suspect that your life has been the cause of both and maybe in similar measure but the important thing is to imagine only being able to see - to study - one or the other. That's Heaven and Hell. And the beauty of it is, it's never decided until you begin crossing over. For those few see-ers who know when their time is 'up', they can begin to guess. But mostly, you just start again. And it's not as stark as it sounds. It's how we keep a balance. Remember, even though you might only ever witness the damage you caused, you can still rest assured that you might have caused an equal amount of joy. You just don't get to see it - in Hell. I'm not sure this will translate so well. But look at the footage, start to imagine yourself in these places and moments. think what you could do. Imagine.
November 26, 2009
Introduction (CNOTNAGOP)
My suspicion is that I knew (after you're dead, you realise when you knew things in life even though, in life, you didn't realise and so, technically, didn't know them) I was crossing over on the day the chicken died. Life is all about losses and gains and sacrifice. God, it turned out, was indeed a mathematician and the trick was to figure out when patterns changed. Taking on mortgages, investments, new businesses, and other financial or political commitments (all those years spent in the 'Friends of St George's Park' and the kids school governors meetings...) are nothing when compared to keeping chickens, kittens, dogs and so on. Taking on responsibility for lives directly nudges you into the harsh light of divine judgement. it puts you in division one when it comes to final reckoning statistics. Same thing goes for wives and girlfriends. God help Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart.
continuing notes on the nature and geography of Purgatory (CNOTNAGOP)
Once you get there, being dead is no more special than being alive and the one lesson life should have taught you is that any future state dreamed of is neither as fearful or desirable as it first appeared. I couldnt have conceived of this in life and neither will you on hearing this - but - i was asked to do it and here it is. I wrote the whole thing down and kept reading it back until i thought it sounded right. In 1998, the difference between Heaven and Hell had already narrowed to nearly nothing. maybe it just came down to one or two seemingly minor choices made at seemingly insignificant moments. Of course, you might never get to understand which ones they were, let alone have an opportunity to re-do them if that's what you'd want to do, but it was nice to be asked. So, here goes.....
late night shopping
Alexandra Burke and Lady ga ga,
Stray Husky Eats Chicken
The girls are late home on the bus and
inch by inch despite hope or intention
they get what they need
maybe God's intervention
was just to home-bake a Pizza
and pay a small compliment
That might've been all
that was needed.
I find myself digging holes
for fenceposts again.....
knee deep in chicken shit
and mudlove; last of all
we made a soup to turn
Teachers into Half-Frogs.
November 15, 2009
on how ridiculous the news is
a murder
random
yaw divn want to understand em
glad for the allotment
the clubcard
the evening standard
your car,
your wifey
the way yr branded
good to drift
split shift copper
proper bar the tick
of your memory stick
be there at the start?
impossible.
walks on beach
if youre only as good as your last
what?
then what are you doing and how?
who are you for and why?
and what
burt lancaster in a jamaican accent
knock knock...
so maybe your car is faster than mine
what is that sculpture about
and why take it so
for, granted, it might not be a sculpture
it could be a genuine accident,
which would make it remarkable and you
wonder why and where...
but its shite
all i could find was net and signs
stomache is better
not shocked by news
son came home again
mother well dressed
went.
November 12, 2009
notes on the next one...
someone said again that poetry doesn't make anything happen so what's the point?
it always, all ready, did.
appreciation £
better look out for the snake moon n copperheads
beware faraday, least luminous of lit up temples
beware. Battersby and frankfurt.
leave room for the gypsum on the Rathmines road
be known for pretending. you are taller
than you think you are
whatever the reflection in the late night Tesco window
tells you. you are bigger than that
so be hopeful
and trust that anger is not home grown derision
who would have thought of 'supermarkets'
let alone cheap lenses?
maybe you or some similar kind so think now:
is this a list? or a liturgy?
how far can you leap?
from peak to peak? missing is just as connected
as a C100. be that a bike, tax return or judicial date
you know well, that you were accepting and always around
not critical
where will be
the incision?
November 08, 2009
meterjig
now when the fall it came to me i was so happy then to see how all the texts you sent had really made a difference
the birds sang slowly in the breeze
i had no words but these to sing indifrently
about the way you came to me histrionically and how it all was made to be and in the distance...
i could see your mothers three and how could that be with me that all the leaves upon the tree
fell off
?
and so laconic finally i made a big surprise and wrapped up all your well wish three and sent them off....
it's hard not to behave like all your poetry, the grave and sisters three four five and Dave have not fell off
the family clock
with its tick and its tock
fell off and must be subservient unto the cock and some time off
mm two mmm three.. mmmmmmmmmmm
November 03, 2009
One minute's procrastination....
I have no time for writing this shite
There's real work to be done
Oh no there isn't
the banks have all been nationalised
Can I still put a shed up?
"NO".
November 02, 2009
not to be confused
recently, i have discovered hob nob creams
they don't, in my opinion extend the brand's reach
but, taken moderately, in conjunction with Ken tynan,
the effect is - reassuringly bland.
ken Campbell, however, is a real catalyst
to the hob nob and it's cream. naturally,
I am reporting this in avoidance of something far more
essential and as yet undone.
nevertheless, it represents a contribution of
which I am hopeful KC would have approved.
Alas, one is dead and gone even before I discovered
the charm and the other - is eaten.
On review, it might be that Ken tynan
has no place here what so ever.
I end speculatively hopeful and mildly
sick. Epithetic al transference done.
The other thing? Some kind of job
one of those invisible and un-measurable ones
that no-one would ever remember you for
except, maybe a nice old and recently
widowed lady who wanted, simply,
to learn how to make stained glass,
whilst I was hoping to extend the practice
of dog poo decoration - a clash of interests
which sends me fitfully, pulse racing
towards the hob nob creams again.....
October 30, 2009
dick emery
i cant even remember how to write for you or speak
the conceit we discussed was about marriage
its not so much that its an ego thing to promise yourself
or expect
its more that we dont know what will happen - which you understood intuitively
but i feel an affinity with your distance,
your dislike of 'positions'
in human terms
and your rehearsals
co-operation
regardless of all.....
October 29, 2009
an exchange
a racehorse on a train platform
an old gentleman with sandwiches
corned beef and the vamping of forged iron on concrete
there is no rider
the beast is mad and the old man's acid is coming on...
it's raining, rush hour, tanoy, echoes,
miraculously the animal lays at his feet
inside the glass waiting area
he gives it an apple
Thinks the horse:
(in his newfound tranquility)
"This place reminds me of an aviary in Nottingham
..where there was that weird severed head of a woman.. a bust
I believe. ha No matter"
The man finishes his meal and bids farewell
The horse, unsurprisingly, is denied entry to his train
Later, the man is annointed with the vision of a wild stallion on a parrallel track
as he sips a coffee in the buffet car,
indigestion gone, for now.
an old gentleman with sandwiches
corned beef and the vamping of forged iron on concrete
there is no rider
the beast is mad and the old man's acid is coming on...
it's raining, rush hour, tanoy, echoes,
miraculously the animal lays at his feet
inside the glass waiting area
he gives it an apple
Thinks the horse:
(in his newfound tranquility)
"This place reminds me of an aviary in Nottingham
..where there was that weird severed head of a woman.. a bust
I believe. ha No matter"
The man finishes his meal and bids farewell
The horse, unsurprisingly, is denied entry to his train
Later, the man is annointed with the vision of a wild stallion on a parrallel track
as he sips a coffee in the buffet car,
indigestion gone, for now.
October 28, 2009
otherwise:
naive and bland in angry slumber
fury put to bed somewhere on a colourchart
I should write crosswords, my sleeping mind conjured, without self knowledge or care for human possibility.
- meditations upon my old dog Toby and pete's nickname for the poor unwanted beast: pointless. I keep calling him but he will not come. to sleep, perchance to green....?
do these trivial things trouble or delight?
It's not all reggae.
nicked from Noam Chomsky: demonstrating how a sentence can have grammatical sense without meaning - apparently:
colourless green ideas sleep furiously
October 26, 2009
Inside Her Outs
it's all twaddle and earthing
not sustainable tea beginnings
or even a wednesday rant
unfairly bitumen and neighbourly
cock strife. by ghandi or a e thompson
perhaps
you'll call and change the mood?
some things are worth money
equal sleep for modernisers
someone loves this conceit
turning over a stone to bring back with him
by cringleford, marlingford and guist
who stole the mixing bowl?
and who made that secret transaction
in what should have been My dream?
living the life of the latepayers
and ill informed is no longer possible
by wages and claims we sleep
equally
SHITE DESCRIPTION
grand necessitous lump coal dragger be - beats opium at a dash
confounding braggers with tools. descriptively the queues weaken into one and a moment
with singers. i'd sooner cut off my arm with a rusty saw
than wait any longer.
thought Pooh.
wrongwardly gone and wayward all flutey
but no tune or beat to even keep up with
so go your own way and masticulate yourself
with a brick. you fucking shithead.
bread and a blank mind from the bakery
the only real hill in norfolk, how's that?
some dull garden centre or ironmonger
to use an old fashioned term. like hate
your over laden hills and recumbent winery
make air bubbles and salt and an apiary of toss
or some other grasping answer to 5 down....
in a miserable universe of who cares? read music?
September 25, 2009
Narration 3
What can I hope to explain? I have ceased trying. the effort of telling was always wasted and made the next attempt longer. Now, i lick my wounds, but keep them to myself. It is enough to show and to restrain any desire to be a protagonist. Safer too. People ply their trades. Paul's garage holds it's secrets. He once asked me to find him a rare book about a now defunct army company which his grandfather belonged to. I have forgotten the name. this yard has been a place of commerce for over two hundred years. It serves the golden triangle now.
Narration 2
To here, the river is tidal. At the point where the tides cease to exact their mark, are the County Courts. Today, a solicitor in his forties is being tried for a crime which has been popularised as date rape. Grooming is another thing he has been charged with. As a smoker, the photographer in the car park feels certain he will be out soon. Relatives or friends connected with the case gather outside and our eyes are fairly averted by a security guard.
NARRATION 1
We’re still normal. If you come round our house, there’ll be people there, sometimes ten, fifteen, just coz they need some sanity man. I’m glad we got out. I tell you, my boy he’s had to fight but he’s ok now. Even I back off man, you know? It’s easier just to let him win. I don’t get involved, so long as it’s kids, but if adults get involved, you know, I’ve been around and I’m like, out on the streets. But these gangs man, like the AFL, the LWA, blokes say to me: “I aint takin shit from a bunch of kids man” - but I tell you, they go down there and you see them later, like, limping man. You go down there and you’re gonna be eating hospital food for a while man. But the AFL, they was set up like that. That was supposed to be blokes like us, sortin it out… I guarantee you now, go into any prison and you’ll find like 100 AFL. Mental.
September 23, 2009
Zoe's 13th (but does anyone buy CD's anymore?)
I haven't got you a present yet
and I told you to blow out the candles whilst we were still singing
that was only because the six love hearts waxing were melting on the meringue.
But it's an excuse
Some of us were tired and my present to you (when it arrives)
will be an alarm clock CD - so you can be a bit more hurried.
I'm sorry I can't make the world better than it is and
I'm sorry its not been always great
and I hope you will get an opportunity to REALLY compare
me and what was our life to something new and better
you deserve to grow well and prosper spocklike
I just thought it would be better to hurry to a tune of your choosing....
Now, Ebay, where oh where,,... I love you kiddo. x
September 16, 2009
September 13, 2009
reletavism gone east
something about afghani boy dancing as girls and the good old british art of dog fighting
by way of comparison are we not all sufferers of intolerance?
and measure by measure dont we all need some zealous foundation - however distant - to founder our proclivities in a get out? bashi something or other
I forget what it's called
but theyre allowed to be men when theyre 19 and have been shagged rotten by theyre elders
opium is good for you. Might make a painting....
September 09, 2009
JOB DONE
GROSS PALPABLE LINEOUT FORTIFICATION GRIND ALFALFA GAS TURBINE NASTURTIUM EFFLUVIAL NASCENT OMBUDSMAN QUITS TIME BASTARD FEET HONORARIUM DEFAULT BECKONING QUANTIFIABLE DRAUGHTS BANDSTAND HALTINGLY AFFECTS RUMBLE QUAINT FOUL DETECT ALLUMINIUM HIND IN RANT TERM AGREEMENT BASTIONS ABSTRACT MANGERS ALL BALLOONS EAT PASTA
August 20, 2009
knock off
in a hurry
cant wait for the right words
these'll do
only works with songs and poetry
not to be used for HM revenue
or rent forms
and no, not brilliantly.
ends
July 28, 2009
kate i love you so much
what can i explain about sharing fruit and vegetables?
does it shame us?
its not the way you read
there's this girl
a friend
we call each other vegetables
and fruit
and we keep our steady distance
but we are together
when we share fruit
shades of older wonder make me doubt
our bond
but i remember loving my elders
for no good reason
July 27, 2009
participation pass poem
Do nothing but what I say:
Close your eyes
Breathe in.
Think of a colour.
See it.
Breathe out slowly
Fade to white.
Repeat
Slowly now.
Purple, blue and magenta
Like christy's statue during lent, i
was wondering:
Did you ever see the blessed virgin move?
and does that cloud your vision?
Can we now improve on this poem?
Picture the colour of derision
Now open your eyes.
Stop breathing
"BAM"
cooking Prawns
in their shells like they do in the restaurants
to keep the flavour in or maybe just allow
some added poshness and the savoir faire
of how to breakthe backs effortlessly
and chew down the slightly rubbery
gum fish mouthful that is: Prawns.
it's good to play with the sounds made in realtime
and using a rule for making up fast words is to write without stopping
for mind to catch up in the sense
knowledge that would spoil everything and so Choke and suck lemons because
its all gone astray now and the furniture
that got broke will never come back because it was burned by Gypsies I think. some
dismantlers
two cast away roe in a VW camper
licking one another's wounds
and dis antler's missing an M
so we risked all and the fall
was kind enough to happen
in old age and bad back clubbing
we agreed to fish in the morning
no rutting just fish and de-gutting
we hope. Always travelling with
no more desiring the arrival
we did good. But the scrap value
is crap and someone snipped the pump wire
silly old sods. At least the lesbian from next door
didnt overstay her underwelcome
and the dinner was grand. So...
July 25, 2009
interactive
i dont think of anything
i dont want for much
i cant remember
and im not interested
for example,
how the words sound
and perish the thought i might say them
what they are about
how they fit
what will they do?
Nothing.
I appreciate that
and listen
any comments?
you haven't got it yet
nug is an anagram
of gnu
could throw brands and stories
sympathy and sense
but that's too easy
what will my daughter do?
and my son?
we're all the sense and meaning
we know
and we boil down
rot and vanish
like environmental toilet cleaner
thats a subject
hope to buy soil close
at a reasonable price
from a bloke i know
because i need soil.
who doesn't?
July 02, 2009
Same Old Spot
He thought: 'what a pleasure it is to be alive' as he scratched the spot on his arm
It didnt matter about the itches or the flies and it was indeed good to be alive
and it ocurred to him how fortunate we all are to have air that we can breathe
The same air over here or there and he breathed as he scratched the spot on his arm
It mattered less that drivers didnt give way to his oncoming cycle or for zebra crossings
still less was the worry of whatever list was on the kitchen side at home and to do.
As he noticed the spot on his arm was bleeding, his cycle fell in a rut and over he went,
bloodied but not yet phased in his bonhomie, he picked up the bike as a man over the road said:
"Bad luck"
And he thought to take the spot on his arm to the doctor along with his dislocated thumb.
At home the corn was high and strawberries plentiful - the fruits of his labour honouring
good living and careful attention to things he wanted to grow, unlike the spot on his arm
which grew unattended and not much loved but grew the same for it all and prospered.
Now:
You could be forgiven for speculating that this armspot was contagious and full of canker
but in truth, it was just a little spot of age. dead and without a source of blood. whitened.
Like death in small doses, an advance warning that everything would turn to dust and be gone.
So he planted lettuce and radish for an early crop in the only place left in the garden. the last spot.
Wateringly.
June 29, 2009
list: mind, slow, think, take it easy
sleep bonny bairn
in the hum drum dum dum dum
sleep. a glockenspiel and mood change. end.
meet old friends and mummy take us home
old jed's a copper now. did you know each other?
never had room for a piano or to be untidy
always the surveillant mood encompassing
and passing and sing and sleep bonny boy
behind the castle where the golfers go.
wake up. all's gone. rush day. rush hour.
slow. wine. think. be clear. think. sleep.
done. slower. something will come.
something.
June 16, 2009
June 09, 2009
my wise son said..
the sunflower would be big
he knows about time
he learned some things early
like us all,
some he will never know
like us all, he has two eyes
and one face
it's his, that's all.
sometimes that is all.
i give him what i do
its never enough
but i suspect he will
do my bidding
like my own bind
no thanks, its not fair
but love is blind
and blood is thick
well remembered son
and i am so proud
of us. we are good
there is not an arsehole
with a human attached
will ever prove not
because i know
how much i love you
and there is no measure
which makes the case for God,
who I just checked in with
He - It All... agrees.
very good boy
(now need to write poem for daughter who's fine aspects also make me cry - very very and less sometimes, but absolutely, equally)
fine word
good idea
the truth is past
the end is near
push n shove
its a heavy metal lyric
dont ask no questions
dont need no answers
push has come to shove
and shove dont like it
i'm gonna leave your kids on a motorway island
fuck off and get pissed
i'm gonna come back later in an ambulance
or jam butty,
fuck knows if i'll be missed
and the judge says...
ha ha ho ho hum
stick my justice up your bum
fe fi diddly tanker
yr dad dont shave
and yr mums a wanker.
June 05, 2009
Geometry From A Tree (G.FAT)
my poems are triangles because i cant be arsed and lose attention towards the end
triangles have many angles but the auld triangle by luke
is my favourite angle of dangle
oak.
....after the gunsmoke
the attention is waning
kids are complaining
whats entertaining
is not explaining
when you say
exactly what
you think
and dont
be sorry
at all...
resigning carriage clock and no thankyou applause
guess being stright id write about kids and feeling
u want?
i got nothing to say about that
'spacially about whatever was
memories.
maybe a simple minor riff makes a mood
but who really cares?
scant attention to what we all feel
keeps us apart
except for saturdays
when britain has talent
and all who sail in her
but to be left
with lilo and stitch
that hurts.
there'll be more
so what?
do you like this?
backlash broken scottish woman holds tight to her mobile
as twitterers calvinists all dump on one for all begorrah
testicles shrink in a fug dewy eyed in not seeing but insulate
possible babies for can be bothered wellings of woman and man
hipster boy with curly hair knows not how it went with island
somebody precious if thats left in the tank might be ruthless
or daughter of a dirty old man and we gossip so hardly and easy
it comes on now with a weak hug, new friends made easier with less
so resourceful is it? meet you at the field, st martin and the yurt makers
in this new foundling and gruel saunas in the dark by fire by a pool
problems of staying warm and shitting in the back of a van
cheap insurance is no consolation for loss of mind and words
can i please have you all listen and tell me what I say for attention?
hand says family close, hand says scars tell, hold hand leftly, demure
this poet is in my image. this image has no words. sribble.....................
i have something for someone and wait for my food. this new vampire thing?
supertramp now. now now now now now now now. lion picks idly, right.
to say we are all hungry is equal pay and responsibility. taking word and deed
acting. honour and stories are true in the eyes. blessed in heart. cursed in thought
didnt i ought to do what we thought she might have gone out and bought anyway?
eh all?
amen
kipper
done.
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