still shots of 5 secs interspersed with moving people on street..... (this will repeat as a motif wherever there is no shot direction...!) freeze frame on landscape with people...
INT. 'STARBUCKS'
(black screen with 'GOD AND THE DEVIL MEET IN STARBUCKS MAY 21st IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORDS TWO THOUSAND AND TEN' - graphic)
sounds of coffee making and peoples chatter....
GOD
We have some important things to talk about, you and I.
DEVIL
Can I have a Latte?
GOD
You and I are not as important as we once were. I think we need to find out why.
DEVIL
Americano?
GOD
Look, I just need you to be omnipresent with me for a while - ok?
DEVIL
OK.
(sound of a cup being set down)
WAITER
Your Latte sir
DEVIL
Do you have to do everything as a reward for good behaviour? You're not my father y know...
GOD
Just blow the froth off that and come for a look round with me...
1. EXT. CEMETERY 'CLOSING TIME 4.30' SIGN - MORNING
GOD
Ok, here's a nice place to start... now, you have always thought death frightens people the most
DEVIL
No I haven't
GOD
Havent you?
DEVIL
No
GOD
Oh
DEVIL
You want to know what frightens people?
GOD
ok
DEVIL
2. EXT. FRESH DUG GRAVE IN CEMETERY - MORNING
take this guy -
I've booked him in for a second tour - are you aware of the case?
GOD
No
DEVIL
Ok, read this
3. Newsagents facade with papers
GOD
(reading aloud) A man who strangled his wife during a nightmare has walked free from court after the prosecution withdrew all charges against him. Both defence and prosecution had accepted at the start of the trial that Mr Jones was not in control of his actions at the time of the killing. The jury blah blah yhh brr mmm.... The defence claimed that Mr Jones was suffering the “non-insane” form of automatism and is asking for an acquittal, which would not require him to be detained.Yesterday they were directed to return a not-guilty verdict, allowing Mr Jones to leave court an innocent man.....
what's automatism?
DEVIL
It means the court found him not guilty because he was asleep and had no intention of killing his wife. It means 'to act without thought or fear of consequence'
GOD
Ah. So you're ahead of me again.
DEVIL
Yup
GOD
That's what they're all guilty of these days.
DEVIL
..and found innocent... I love it.
GOD
And I'm getting tired of the sound of my own voice...
DEVIL
Trouble is... they are innocent.
GOD
and guilty.
But the difference - I can't tell people apart anymore.
DEVIL
Exactly. Look, we need to take a look at things from a birds-eye point of view.
GOD
I was thinking more something like a 'fly on the wall documentary'
DEVIL
Very contemporary.. ok, yes, a fly on the wall.
GOD
I'm not sending one of the kids again
DEVIL
No, fine. Why don't we adopt this time? Send in an honest witness who's not long gone. Something's got to give and we need some first hand, up close evidence... like a witness
GOD
That's hardly a new idea: Hebrews 12:1: "So, then, because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also put off every weight and the sin that easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." (I think George Bush used that line - refreshing fellow that - no doubts about him - a rare clear cut case) Look, I believe there are about six million Jehova's Witnesses already doing that job for us.
DEVIL
eee - yes, well, you know how I feel about them... no, I was thinking of someone a bit more un-biased. An un-decided; someone impartial... this Jones guy is GREAT. And he's desperate to make up for his screw-up.
GOD
A second coming?
DEVIL
Aye
GOD
Of an adopted son?
DEVIL
Much more authentic
GOD
OK. Do it.
DEVIL
Excellent
GOD AND DEVIL AT THE SAME TIME:
There's one condition though
GOD
DONT DO THAT
(devil whines a little like a dog) - shot of dog spelt backwards?
(god continues uninterrupted) I will send one and you can send one
DEVIL
Whooppee
GOD
You can have your sleepwalker - not that we've actually decided he's yours - and I will send another one. The condition is this: Watching Brief only. I don't want anyone announcing themselves as the second coming - there's too many playing that trick already.
DEVIL (childlike)
Well, obviously - der.....
GOD
So, when did your guy cross over?
DEVIL
....... just then.
GOD
Suicide. i hate that.
DEVIL
Freewill....
GOD
mmmmmmmmm
DEVIL
(pause) so - who's your chosen one?
FEMALE VOICE
I remember 1Tomatoes on a wooden window-sill. I remember the 2 gardens and the hedges of the neighbours for miles around the houses where I grew up. I remember the 3 water-butt that was always brimful and the 4 scrapings left out for the sparrows and tits and finches and my grandad chasing away the starlings. He hated starlings. Starlings and 5 Italians. I think, to him, they were one and the same thing.
6 (windmills) I remember always telling the time in a circle with a 'past' and a 'to'... or as some of the older folks would say an 'after' and a before'..... I like remembering the look of things for what you can tell now that you never knew then: People's incomes and fortunes, tastes and, well, just - what they were like..... I like the way that watching helps you see the changes. 7 What I remember is how slowly things changed. I remember a worn yellow and brown axminster carpet that was always there. Once and once only, it was replaced by a different coloured axminster carpet downstairs and the patchwork of my grandparents upstairs floors was replaced by that old yellow and brown. I don't know when this happened but I remember a trip to Darley Dale on boxing day to choose the new carpet and knowing that this was a serious and enjoyable occasion and that the expense was very large indeed - a once in a lifetime experience, talked about for years in advance. The Boxing Day sales. More exciting, that year, than Christmas...8 (garden centre)
With the savings we made, we bought a 'Kilmarnock' willow tree which sat and barely grew but lived in the dead centre of the front garden for as long as my grandparents lived in the house. I know now that 'Kilmarnock' means nothing but just sounds nice. They breed in disease, which makes the foliage 'variegated' - or 'pretty' as we, I mean, mum, would have said. It also kills the growth and limits the longevity of the plant. This is what I now know to be called 'planned obsolescence'. It's just one way that some people who are - kind of - cleverer than other people have discovered so as to 'maximise profits'. That tree never took up any more space in our garden than it did when first we planted it and, of course, over time, we couldn't help but re-visit the garden centre after that first trip to find new plants. After a few years and a lot of pursuasion, my grandfather built a rockery around the Kilmarnock Willow - to fill the space - which no doubt stunted it even more - so mum could go to Darley Dale to look at plants every Sunday in the Vanden Plas...9 (garage forecourt - BMW?)
Our first car. Bought new for £350. Lasted 25 years. It was my job to polish the walnut dash. An Austin Vanden Plas Princess II - to give it it's proper title. Built in 1950 by the 'ang 'em 'n 'dutch'... Like 'all days and onions', this was one of the many mysterious phrases Grandad would drop in to his daily conversations.10 (starlings) I never felt the need to ask what he meant, as I had never doubted his meaning since I had learned, from a toddlers age and viewpoint, to match the phrase to the look in his eyes when he spoke. In that way, you always knew his meaning...
In my opinion, you can learn to love a thing even more from cleaning it than you can by making it from new. Not that I know - not that I knew - much about engineering then. But I loved that car. I loved most things in me life. You never know how much until they are gone. Maybe that is why we resisted change so much.... Maybe resisting change is not such a bad thing as it's cracked up to be - nowadays.........11 (back to graveyard?)
DEVIL
Ahhhh, she's NICE
GOD
mmmmm... maybe.
DEVIL
She coming to you or me?
GOD
She's another problem - can't decide what to do with her.
DEVIL
Come on - she's right up your street...
GOD
'Change'
DEVIL
Oh, not THE DICTIONARY thing
(groaning a bit maniacally)
GOD
'..to make or become different, to move from one system or situation to another.' That's what we're here for Sam - I just want you to understand what possible changes we are contemplating.
DEVIL
Well, all change is good isn't it?
12. windmills
GOD
You always say that
DEVIL
Well, un-avoidable, at least.
GOD
It's the pace of change she's talking about though, that's what matters
DEVIL
Ah timing, a tick a tick a tick a tick a...-
GOD
Exactly
DEVIL
So who is she?
GOD
(13. sunflower, tomatoes .. an allotment...)
Mrs Jones
DEVIL
What -
GOD
yep
DEVIL
No - hoo hoo... do they -?
GOD
Know? - No
DEVIL
(roaring laughing) This'll make for some great scripture... god the father, god the son and... hoo ... god the homicidal sonambulent sex starved married couple.... much more realistic. I am impressed.
GOD
shut up.
(14. return to slo mo people and a shopfront of our choosing))
I like being dead. All you do is remember. You don't want. I think I'd stopped wanting for myself while I was alive. but you find yourself wanting for other people then - and that can be frustrating as well...
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